Days of Absolution- Revelation Vol 1
by Aurora S.D
Summary: When Anita,owner of a high end fashion designer,met Kyle Langley,a psychologist in a chance encounter at the Mumbai airport,her whole world seem to change.With secrets buried deep in her heart,she hopes to keep it that way but that doesn't seem to be happening instead,lies and backstabbing and more lies creating on its own.A drama that has chaos over silence,hatred over absolution.
1. Prologue

**This story is not actually based completely on the original fifty shades trilogy characters or story, as a matter of fact. But it's just like any other normal story with new characters and themes. Hope you enjoy. And please Review! **

**Prologue **

I got up from my seat to check up on Kyle. "Hey, man. Who's that?" I asked as I saw a girl leaving the seat beside him. I frowned.

"That's Anita." Kyle told me. I gaped at him, grinning broadly. Damn it, man! _The girlfriend came,_ I smirked at the thought.

"Okay, don't start, David." He rolled his eyes at my atrocious behaviour.

"Dude, it's gonna be fun." I smirked. "And I would so like to meet the girl. I have been dying to take a look at her. After all I need to know if the rumors are true or not. If she is actually that beautiful, that swept you off your feet." I elbowed him, as Kyle desperately tried to shake me off.

"David, will you go please? I need to finish reading this contract." I shook his head as he shifted his gaze to look at the file, dismissing me completely.

I rolled my eyes. What was with him always talking about work? I mean, come on, dude, he was a millionaire by birth.

I ran my hands through my hair as I suddenly felt a certain presence from the corner of my eyes. I instantly gazed at the direction the presence was attracting me.

The impeccably brunette hair caught my eyes in an instant. All wavy but perfect, nonetheless. I shrewdly gazed at her as her head was down and she was coming towards us. Kyle turned her towards where I was looking.

"That's her." He murmured darkly. His eyes not leaving from her.

As she looked up, we both turned our face.

"Oh, yeah." I muttered, grinning. "She is….beautiful." a slight gasp escaped from my mouth.

She stared at me, repressing her annoyance, I think, for some reason. Her light brown eyes complimented the blue dress that she was wearing. But didn't Kyle say that she was part Indian too?

She didn't look anything Indian. Her skin was so light. As if glowing or something. No hint of imperfection in any way.

"Hi." She muttered, probably wondering who the hell I was. Then she shifted her gaze towards Kyle, hoping for some communication. What the fuck was his problem? Why was he acting like this?

I needed to step into now or this girl would die from Kyle's disapproving behavior was giving me a headache.

"Hey, there." I smiled broadly at her. "You don't know me, but I am Kyle's friend." I held out my hand. She looked at me amused. "David." Her grip was quite strong.

"Anita."

And her smile polite. Soft. Amazing!

She started to look a little tensed. I could actually see little droplets of sweat on her forehead. But I didn't stop looking. I wanted to look at her. The pull was so strong that I was frankly not even blinking. I wanted to see her. And it didn't even bother me.

She shifted her gaze and I couldn't help but sneered at her.

_This is going to be fun_.


	2. Chapter 1

**Anita **

**Chapter 1**

Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought that I had to face this.

I closed my eyes trying to wrap my head around what just happened a few hours ago. Was it really possible? How did I let that happen?

I looked down at my fingers, trying to calm myself and just forget what happened. But could I?

I didn't know what else to do and frankly speaking I never know what to do in situations that I couldn't control. But I guess no one can. I soothed myself in the hope that everything was fine and I was just exaggerating.

I checked my cell for the twentieth time. Still no call or text. My mind was now starting to play tricks on me. I slammed the phone on the sandstone sink in frustration.

Oh, wait. I needed my phone. I picked it up again and sighed.

I raised my head to look at the weird, puffy brown eyed girl with messy hair staring back at me in the mirror. I shook my head in disgust. I looked like a train wreck. And it was all because of me. I mean, I could have easily avoided this torture and torment. But no, it had to be me.

All the bad things had to happen to me.

I knew I couldn't let this feelings affect me. Because if I did then I didn't think I would be able to find myself. I shook my head to try to throw away all these wayward thoughts. Just when I thought that my life was getting back on track something this bad had to happen!

But then again to believe that life won't turn against you, just as you think that everything was getting better, was the most unwise thing to think.

I checked my cell again. Still nothing. Damn it! Why hadn't anyone called? And why hadn't Lindsay called? I thought to myself. I fixed my face a little bit, trying to hide these hours of crying puffy, red eyes. I splashed some more water on my face and soaked it with my handkerchief.

As I got out of the washroom, I glanced around me for a moment. Everyone was either rushing towards the gates so that they don't miss the flight or they are just waiting. Sitting at the waiting lounge.

I looked around me and I saw a little girl wearing a white frock walking with her mother. She was looking really pretty. She had this glowing face, and her eyes revealed so many yet unfulfilled dreams, which were just waiting for a moment to achieve it and fulfill it. I wondered about my childhood when things weren't so much complicated.

As I glanced at the glass doors I saw it was pouring. It was the month of July and everything outside was perfectly beautiful. No one was outside. People were running and trying to catch a taxi or something. And here I was, waiting at the Mumbai airport for more than four hours, running as usual from facing the fact.

I went back to my seat as I placed my elbows on the arms of the chair, my fingers constantly tapping, impatient.

It was not until a little later when something really caught my eye. Or someone. I looked at him for a moment. He was wearing black jeans along with a white shirt and a black jacket. His hair was the color of caramel and it was all spiked up. He was looking absolutely stunning.

He was holding his bag and his eyes were searching for something. Maybe he was looking for a place to seat. The place was flooded with people and there were hardly much seats left. I looked at him without blinking my eyes. As he turned his face towards me, I quickly had to turn my face away.

I knew that he might be coming this way so I kept looking down. Didn't want to show my pathetic face.

"Hi. Is this seat taken?" a low voice with a sexy British tone asked me. I didn't look at him and just nodded. I didn't want him to start asking questions as to why I had an exhausted and sad look.

"It's really pouring outside!" he said, fishing for small talks. "But I like it this way. It's really beautiful."

And somehow he had my attention now.

"Yes, it is." I said and looked straight at his eyes. _Wow,_ was all that came in my mind. He had these soft green eyes that were so beautiful and it was as if penetrating me. _Wow_, I thought again.

"So where are you going?" he asked, his voice polite, but looked a little interested. He had this small smile going on in his face but it was enough to light the New York City on Christmas.

I looked everywhere except at him. Partly because he was so beautiful and I didn't want to let him know that.

It took me a while to answer him. But I guess I was caught in his spell. "I am going to New York." I murmured softly. _This was so unlike me!_

"Oh. For vacation?" What? Of course not!

"No. I live there." And that's all I could say. He nodded but had a smirk on his face. Maybe. I mean I didn't know. It was hard to tell. Any ways either of us didn't know what else to say next. But still even though we weren't saying anything, I still had the urge to see his face. I peeked up to look at him. Oh, he was so beautiful. I could see him all day.

Wait. What was I thinking? I instantly shut off my thoughts.

This feeling seemed so familiar yet so alien. I was confused.

I decided not to think about it 'cause my life was already too messed up and I didn't want any more troubles.

Naturally I looked around everywhere except at him. It was really making me uncomfortable now. But I just didn't know what else to do. His eyes were constantly on me. Ok, not constantly but still. Like me, he was too sneaking up to look at me. Except he was very good at that job and not a mess like me.

And though in normal occasion I would have said something extremely cruel that would have made the observer quite ashamed but I knew I couldn't do that to him. I didn't understand why but I just couldn't.

"Something's troubling you?" he said in his low, sexy British voice.

I wonder if his American or British? He had a British accent, so maybe he was from London, I think. It was just a guess.

"No." I said after a bit. "Yes. Uh…I don't know." I muttered in my flustered tone. I mean I technically couldn't just blurt out my entire life problems to a complete stranger. It would be unethical and… you know…something…else.

He smiled with a hint of smirk on his face and it made me want to smile. But I controlled myself.

"You know you should make up your mind if you have any troubles or not." He cocks his head to one side and regarded me intently.

"I know. I am sorry." Uh, why am I apologizing?

I smiled. Since I had no other expression at this moment.

God, I must be crazy to smile at one moment and feeling sorry at the next moment. What was happening to me?

"I am just a little tired I guess." I added when his gaze catches mine.

"No I don't think that's it. Something is really bothering you. I can see that." His scrutinizing gaze was making me paralyze. _I needed to fight back._

"Oh really, you can?" I snapped. What the hell did he think of himself? God?

"Actually I am a therapist. So I kind of know when people are having troubles and problems. It's kind of my job." He said as a matter-of-factly.

"So it's your job to help people who are having troubles at an airport?" I said stubbornly. _Yeah, you go girl!_

"No. But I am making an exception to you." His gaze was intense, all serious.

I stopped breathing. Really?

My heart started racing with extra speed when I started breathing again. I am the exception?

This was so weird. I had a strange feeling that was making me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable for me to stare at him.

I blushed scarlet. I tuck one of the escaped tendrils of my hair behind my ear and pretended as if he didn't affect me. I tore my eyes away from him from his and stared down at my knotted fingers.

I sighed inwardly.

In this short span of time where neither of said much and had what they call 'small talks' but still it felt as if I knew him from before. Maybe from somewhere else. Uh, I didn't know.

It was…complicated.

"Can I ask you something?" I find myself asking him.

_Uh, what was I doing?_

"Yeah absolutely." He said straight away. More than eager.

"What would you say," I paused. Thinking if it was a right thing to do. I took a deep breath to calm my sense. When he saw my uneasiness he tried to gauge my reaction but I didn't give much away.

_Oh, just do it already_, my subconscious snapped.

"What would you say if I say that I did something horrible and it destroyed someone's life?" _Are you crazy? This was getting personal._

"Well, if you really think that you did something wrong then I guess you just have to try to make that situation right." He said, frowning. Trying to analyze my situation. "And if you cant then, I guess you have to go on and live your life, trying to forgive yourself for what you did." He paused and thought something for a while.

"I mean that's all we try to do, right?" he smiled graciously.

"Yeah, true." I smiled too. He turned his gaze ahead and I could see that he was restricting himself from seeing me.

I squirmed on my seat, unable to hide my embarrassment.

"Everyone makes mistakes and we pay them eventually." He paused. "But that doesn't mean that you take this burden wherever you go and let it chew you up until there's nothing left."

He seemed so serious and distracted!

"Why would you say that?" I asked. A lot of questions piling inside my brain.

"I have my share of regrets. We all do." He gently said, his smile tight.

I nodded slowly, confused by all this revelations. Even though I hardly knew him.

It took a moment for me to recover my equilibrium so I just looked at him. It gave me peace. And I guess that's all anyone could ask for. Even from a stranger.

"You know you are very good at your job." I said in utter amazement.

"Thank you." He raised his eyebrows at me, as if he was searching for something. "But what are you doing here?"

Huh?

"What do you mean?"

"The reason you are here, sulking means that whatever happened, it happened recently. So why wont make it right if you can?" I was so confounded by his gaze that it took me a while to understand what he was saying.

And then I realized that how true he was. I looked down at my fingers, mortified.

_Make it right?_ Could I?

It seemed like a possibility that would never happen. Should I really go back?

In all my life I never really found that one person that I could trust and believe that no matter what happened that one person will always stand by me. I mean technically parents were supposed to _be _that person but my luck wasn't that good when it came to parents. But then again we can't choose who our parents are. And even though sometimes it felt like a burden to us, all we could do is survive and adjust. That's all anyone could do.

But what was so different about this guy?

I mean I didn't have one of those _love at_ _first time_ moments. But just…I didn't know. It was hard to explain.

"You think I should go?" I raised my head to look at him.

His mouth quirked up, staring at me.

He shrugged. "I think that will be the best thing to do."

Shit!

I didn't know what else to say. I mean god knows what this guy eats everyday. I mean how anyone could be so unbiased and yet so caring and thoughtful and… ugh! The list was endless.

"You know you are _really _good at this job." I said it again.

"I know." His lips curled up in a wry smile. What else was I supposed to say to this?

"I think you should go there." He said urgently. "Before it's too late and all you are left with is regret." He added.

"But….why are you helping me?" my voice was deadly quiet.

It's really strange really. I didn't even knew him yet we were having some discussions that even people who knew each other found hard to discuss about it.

"I don't know. You don't seem that kind of person who deserves to have regrets in her life." He said sincerely.

My face was aflame, surprised by his honesty.

"And you just know that I am who you think I am?" I smirked.

"Actually, yes." He said after he let it processed in his head. My mouth dropped open by his lack of humility.

"Took you a while." I said teasingly. He shrugged while his face was wearing a huge grin. My face turned the color of beet root. Oh dear!

I blushed.

"Attention please. The flight to Delhi will be leaving soon." It was being announced. I looked at him and I knew that it was time for him to go. But did he have to?

_Of course he has to_, my subconscious snapped at me. Of course he has to, I said to myself again.

"I guess that's my cue." He said as he rose up from his seat.

I rose too. I didn't think I could do something else to stop him. After all he was nothing more than just a….stranger. Nothing more. Nothing less.

"Thank you so much." I said as I stood face to face with this beautiful man. He was really tall, I had to say.

"For?" He asked, a hint of smile playing on his lips.

"For being here." I smiled. "Very few people in my life were successful in doing that." I raised my eyes.

"Right. Well I am glad I was here. Wouldn't trade it for anything." He grinned and winked at me.

I shook my head at his playful behavior. Probably because I never met someone who could be so serious and honest at one moment and then playful and teasing at the other.

He was really something.

I smiled and realized it was time to say goodbye which I was not ready to do it.

"So I guess it's a goodbye?" I asked him.

He looked down, no more smile on his face. "Yeah, I guess it is." He murmured, looked right at me. Those green eyes penetrating me and it was like magnet. It was pulling me towards him.

That was expected.

I nodded and said, "Bye." I held my hand in front of him. He took it and shook it. "It was nice meeting you."

He took his bag and turned to leave. After a few steps he stopped and turned back to face me. My heart was racing and I just didn't know what to do. Should I just say 'stay'? Or just stay quiet like an idiot?

Oh, it was driving me nuts!

He again started moving towards me with a big smile and question in his mind. "I am sorry but," he paused and it looked like as if he couldn't believe that he didn't ask whatever question he had in mind first. "What's your name?" he finally said with a how-stupid-of-me face.

I burst in laughter.

Stupid! How could I be so stupid? At least he remembered that he forgot to ask my name. And I just didn't. Seriously what was wrong with me?

"Uh…oh god…uh…its… Anita." I paused. "Just Anita." I am still laughing softly.

"Well then, Just Anita, I am Kyle. Kyle Langley." Hmm…nice name. Sexy too.

"Ok then. I have to go now. And I hope you find what you are looking for. No one deserves to be lonely." Huh? Why would he say that?

"Let's hope so." I smiled politely.

"Until next time." He said and winked.

Winking? Hmm.

He walked over to the entrance of the lounge and looked back to give me a smile.

And just like that he disappeared.

And then he was gone.

And I was alone again.


	3. Chapter 2

Two weeks later….

**Chapter 2 **

I tried to draw something. Anything. But I couldn't. I didn't know why. I was supposed to rectify these sketches by this month. There were hardly three weeks left. I took my head on my hands. I didn't know how I was supposed to finish this. And where the hell was Lindsay?

I called my assistance, Ashley, who was supposed to get Lindsay to work. But god knows what she was doing.

Is this how a fashion company runs? Because honestly I didn't think that I was the owner of this company and on top of that no one of my stuffs seemed to be doing their jobs correctly. Oh! Can someone please kill me?

"Ashley!" I shouted on top of my voice. _Seriously she didn't want to see my anger side!_

"Yes ma'am. You called me?" Ashley with a singing voice asked me.

Ashley was really good in organizing things and set meetings and all those work. She helped me a lot and it kind of put some weights out of my shoulders but sometimes she became so distracted with her family and all that it made me want to think about her position in this company. But I knew that no matter what happens she would always achieve want she wanted. I mean after all she was only twenty three years old. What else would I want her to do if I were her parents?

"Yes, I called you. Where is Lindsay? It's Friday, for god's sake." I asked her.

"I don't know. I called her but she is not picking up her phone." She muttered hesitantly.

"Damn it. Doesn't she know that today there is a board meeting that she _has_ to be there?" I tried to calm myself. Breathe, Anita.

"I know but I… I'll call her again." She finally said when she saw my panicked face. Seriously what was wrong with me? I mean I was fine all this while then why the sudden change in mood?

Maybe it was because those stupid sketches. I couldn't even finish one damn sketch.

"Maybe I can go and fetch you another coffee?" she asked, as caring as ever.

"No. Just keep calling Lindsay." If only she would pick it up!

"Ok, ma'am." She said and then got back to her desk.

I took the blank paper and tried to concentrate so that at least I have one sketch done.

I sighed.

11a.m. Still couldn't draw a thing.

"Me and my stupid brain!" I rebuked myself and shoved the pages in my drawer. I didn't want to look at it anymore!

I got discouraged and opened the file on the cover of which it was written in bold letters C.H.I.C, my company's name. I started going through it in order to divert my mind and have some new ideas.

After finish reading it I got up and went near the glass window to look at Manhattan. The sky was blue and it was pretty sunny. No hint of any wind. Everyone was walking, doing about their own jobs. And it was a lot of noise on the outside. Kids were just playing and were carefree. I loved those times when I was a kid, you know. Everything was so simple and had nothing to worry about.

I kept staring outside, thinking. Though I wasn't really sure what was I thinking about!

"Hey!" a chiming voice startled me. I panicked and looked around to see who it was, who was so fond of giving me a heart attack.

"Lindsay! What the hell?" I was literally panting. "You scared me." Of course it was Lindsay. Who else could it be?

"Sorry." She said like a little brat. "I needed to talk to you. And here's your iced caramel macchiato. You're favourite!" She gave her innocent smile.

I came back to my chair and sat, angry. Iced caramel macchiato? That's her way to apologize? Please!

"What? And what is wrong with you? You don't know that you have to _be_ there for the board meeting? You are the CEO. Or did you even forget that?" I exhaled deeply after I finished. Oh, she drives me nuts sometimes! She put the large cup and stared at me.

"Ok, you finished?" she said while raising her eyebrows.

"Yes."

"Ok then. Now its your turn to listen." She said like a judge. "I had to stay home and attend my everyday family drama. You know that."

"Yes. So what's new today?"

"Well Amanda got detention." Amanda, Lindsay's sister.

"So? Every student gets detention once in a while." I said, indicating that's it's not that much of a big deal.

I rolled my eyes at Lindsay's reaction.

"She took an excuse from the school nurse saying she was ill and went for shopping." She half-shouted at me. "She spend 2,000$ on clothes and shoes and god knows what else." She murmured, exasperated.

I took some time to process all the things she said. 2,000$? Really? Wow! But then again, she didn't break my record! It wasn't even close enough.

"At least look on the bright side. You have enough money still left and you won't get poor. Yet." I grinned. "And on top of that as a personal form of punishment you can take those clothes and shoes and wear it." I gave her a huge smile.

She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Not funny."

"Oh, come on. You know how your sister is. Kind of like you if I remember correctly." I smiled wickedly at her.

College. Hmm, that was a nice time. At least the first year, as far as I could remember.

She ran her hands through her hair. "I just don't know what to do with that girl. She is driving me nuts." I gave a sly smile, knowing very well that I made the same remarks to her a while ago.

"What about your mother? How is she now? You hardly speak about her." And it was a little strange. After I moved to New York with my aunt to start my fashion career, Lindsay kind of got detached from her mother.

I have known Lindsay since college and since then we were inseparable. We both wanted to have a career in fashion and we achieved it. My aunt helped a lot. If she wouldn't be there then I don't know what I would have done.

And if memory served right, it was after a year I moved to Manhattan that Lindsay kind of got isolated from her mother. It was strange. Like way strange. I wondered what happened!

"Well she is as she always has even- least bothered."

What happened so bad that she had to ultimately hate her?

Her father died when she was 11. And from there it was her mother who has always been there. Kind of.

"You know that I am always there for you. And if something's bothering you, you can tell me." I tried to persuade her into telling me something. Anything. _Come on, spit it out!_

"I know that. But there isn't much to tell you. My mother and I just have some different opinions about… some things." She said in a mysterious sort of way.

I frowned, still not getting anything. "Ok if you say so. But I am still here."

Just say anything.

"Yeah, yeah I got that the first time." She smirked.

And she was back to her old self. Great.

"You will never change." I said. She shrugged and gave me a crooked smile.

"Ok, listen. The main reason I came here because I won't be able to attend the meeting."

"But you came?"

I frowned. That didn't make sense. She was already here. Then why not attend the damn meeting?

"Yes. And I have to go again." I opened my mouth to ask why but she interrupted me. "Don't ask why."

I sighed.

"Fine. I'll handle it. But just this once. You can't just ditch and go. We need you here."

"I know. It's just…I'll fill you in later." She said and got up from her seat. "I have to go now. See ya." She smiled and took her bag. "And please eat the macchiato."

I rolled my eyes at her and then she went out the door.

I took the macchiato and drank it. Hmm. As usual it's _so_ good. I love it!

I glanced at my watch. It was 1:30 p.m. Ok. I thought to myself. It was time for lunch. I took my bag and called my driver to pick me. I, for a change, wanted to go outside and have my lunch. It was very unusual for me though. Because I always did the lunch in my office. But I don't know…today I didn't want to do it that way. Change, well it's sometimes good.

"Cant believe I thought that." I uttered to myself.

As I informed Ashley about my new change for lunch, she gasped. Giving me a horrid look. Seriously, was it so surprising? I mean, come on. People change. So does their mood.

Ashley nodded like a dumb and I rolled my eyes. Though I let her see it. After all I was _the_ boss. I made my way to the entrance gate. The receptionist on that floor, Angela, also made a pathetic little face.

Oh, whatever! Think whatever you want to.

"Hey, Ed." I greet my most safe driver. He was leaning against the black BMW and looked at me when I called him.

He was really great. Especially when it came to lectures. But I guess he always really cared about me. He worked for my aunt for five years before he started working for me. Aunt was no more alive but whenever I saw his face it reminded me of her. I kind of felt alive, you know, in that sort of cheerful, happiest day of my life kinda way. Because I considered myself dead or something, you know. I just wasn't normal. I mean, I didn't know. I just, I was different.

"Well, it's a surprise." He said. I frowned. "You, going out for lunch." He explained.

"It's not really much of a surprise. You guys are over reacting." I smiled.

Ed was 39 years old and was healthy as a horse. Probably because he was ex-military and still worked out.

He was a Polish American. And I really liked his accent. He never got married. Though he was in love once. I guess. Didn't really work out because of his different job. Apparently his girlfriend didn't want to stay any longer with him and that's when my aunt hired him. After I started living with my aunt he worked for me too. So, yeah, we were pretty close. And probably I used to tell him everything. Almost everything.

He opened the door and I got inside.

In the middle of the drive, I decided to go to the restaurant where my aunt used to take me. I didn't know why but I needed to be there. Intuition.

"Hey, Ed. Drive around this block and take me to that restaurant where…,"

"Where your aunt used to take you?"

He asked before I could finish my sentence.

"Yes, please." I smiled.

Amazing, wasn't it? He just could tell everything just by looking at me. Amazing!

"You know you are behaving a little different today." He said while looking ahead.

Me and different? Please!

"No, I am not."

"Are you meeting someone special?" And I could sense his amusement through his words.

Oh. I knew where it was going.

"No." I made a disgusted look. "Trust me I am not into the whole dating thing anymore."

Whenever the topic of boys used to come I used to get pretty uncomfortable. And on top of that I couldn't just forget that Kyle guy. I knew that I would never meet him again. But still couldn't take him out of my mind. It was very intense.

"Here we are." Ed said when we are in front of the restaurant.

"Thank you. And you don't have to wait for me. I'll go to the office when I am finished."

"But…"

"I'll take a cab or something. Don't worry." He nodded and I made way into the restaurant.

The place was still same. Same tables and chair. Same white tablecloth and furnished room. It still had that Egyptian kind of presence with different gold patterns on the wall bordered by silver color.

The waiter showed me to the table and I sat. I gave the order and waited.

I still remember that whenever it was the weekends, aunt used to take me here and we would have so much fun. We would go out and eat whatever we want and go wherever we liked.

It was not the same now. I mean, since she died. In heart attack.

I still don't get it how she could have had a heart attack. I mean, she was so happy and contained. I, I wish she was here. Really here. But I knew wherever she was, she was happy. And that's all I could ask for.

But this sense of void it was, I didn't know, it wasn't there before. And now- now its just increasing. And well I had no idea what to do. Its like I was helpless and that's when its hurts more. Feeling confused and helpless- not being able to do anything. And I was not in for helplessness. I hate that feeling. I loathed it. And I…

I shook my head. Yeah, I shouldn't think so much about this. I came here to get a nice lovely lunch. And that's what I would do. I won't think. I won't.

After finishing my meal, I took the tab and paid it. I got up and turned to leave when suddenly a saw a familiar face. It took me a while to realize who it was.

Oh, shit!

It was Kyle Langley.

Reflex action. I quickly turned my head so that they couldn't see me.

Wait.

But who was that girl with her? Did I see correctly? I think I saw a girl with him.

I slowly but cautiously turned to peek up at them. Yup. He was with a girl. But why?

_Why do you think?_ My subconscious snapped. Hmm, true. Must be his girlfriend.

They looked here and there, probably finding a place. The waiter showed them the place just opposed to mine.

Shit! Retreat time.

I quickly tried to hide my face as they made their way to the seat. I didn't wanna meet him again. Last time I just let all my emotions take control of me and hence the 'spill the secrets' thing happened. Otherwise I wouldn't talk about my personal life to a stranger. That would be ridiculous. And embarrassing.

I scratched my forehead in a way to partially hide my face and made a hasty retreat out of this place.

_Oh thank goodness,_ I said when I came out.

But who was that girl? I asked myself again. His girlfriend? Really?

He didn't look like a girlfriend type guy. Since he was so philosophical and all, last time. Well, maybe she was. Forget it. I even bother to think about it. It was not like I was about to talk to him.

I raised my hand to call a taxi when suddenly I heard someone calling my name.

"Hey, Anita!" I hear that same British accent.

Oh, no. No. No way.

_Yes way!_ My freakishly weird subconscious derailed me.

_Please don't let it be who I think it is_, I thought.

I turned to see who it was. My face panicked. "Hey there."

And there goes way exit plan!

Kyle said as he came running towards me.

"Hi." My voice cracked while I said it. Could this day turn out to be anymore unpredictable?

"Hi, to you too." He grinned. "So why did you run when you saw me?"

Oh dear! _Lie time._

"What?" I snorted. "I didn't. I came for lunch and after I finished, I came out." I tried to act like natural. Act cool. Act cool.

"Really?" he smirked.

"Yes. And please stop with your smirking." It made me lose my edge.

"Why?"

"Because I don't like it." I raised my eyebrows.

"Yeah, well, I am not very good and listening to someone." He smirked again.

Great. A stubborn, unpredictable yet very handsome guy that he was!

I take a peek at his attire. Well, blue shirt and black jeans really suited him. Especially with that spiked up hair. I wondered how it might feel if I tough it.

_What? _I quickly dismissed my wayward thoughts.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to divert my mind.

"Oh. I came here with my sister." He stressed the word _sister._

"Nice." I smiled. Relieved.

What was I relieved for?

"So what are you doing tonight?" he asked, straight forward.

I blushed.

I might know where was this was heading. And I didn't like it. I mean, he was handsome and all, but I wont go on a date with him. I just, I had my reasons.

"Uh...I am kind of busy. Work." I explained.

"Oh. But its Friday night." He tried to use his charm to convince me. Apparently it was not going to work.

"I know I have a huge fashion line coming up and I don't know."

"Wait, fashion line?" Oh. I forgot to tell him who I was.

"I own a fashion…company. You may have heard it. It's called C.H.I.C"

He shook his head.

"Yeah. Didn't think you as a fashion know-at-all-er." I gave him a crooked smile.

He shrugged.

I glanced at my watch. 2:45. Shit. The meeting starts at 3:15. I needed to head back.

"Hey, I have to go. I have a meeting to attend."

I turned to leave when he grabbed my hand and I had to stop. Whoa! I didn't saw that one coming.

"When can you be free?" he asked, desperately. He was close to me. Way close to me. Crap!

"Trust me, I don't even know that myself." I said under my breath.

He raised his eyebrows and then moved his head closer to me so that his face was only inches away from me. Oh, god. Was he? Shit!

He leaned more close to me and I literally expired. My eyes blinking rapidly and heart racing faster than a horse. He leaned on and I was so sure by the look fo his eyes that he was going to kiss me and as embarrassing it was, part of me wanted to kiss him back. And I almost gave in when suddenly he took my cell from my hand.

What!

He did something and then gave it back to me.

"Here you go. I gave you my number. Call me when you are free." He paused. "And I hope that it comes in this life only." He teased me.

Oh that bastard! That wasn't fair.

"Do you give all the girls your number like that?" he released my hand and ran his hands through his hair.

Wow! He was damn sexy, I had to say.

Hey! No thinking about his hair! I chided myself.

"No. But I am making an exception to you." He smirked.

Hey! He said that same line when we first met.

I smiled thinking that.

"Fine, whatever. I have to go now." I said arrogantly.

"How are you going?"

"Cab, I guess." He frowned. Thinking something else.

"Hey, taxi!" he called with his big voice. A taxi came in front of me quickly.

Hmm, confident. I liked that.

"Oh, I didn't know that you are also good at this?" I teased him.

"Baby, you don't know what else I am good at." he grinned. I opened my mouth in surprise. At his…well, I had no idea what to say it.

"Your cab is waiting." He added.

I looked at him for a while, dumbstruck. My mouth getting dry. When I regained myself I nodded and swallowed hard. I climbed on to the cab and leaned on the window.

"Until next time." He smiled and winked at me.

And for some reason I knew I will see him again. It was getting kind of a habit. And it seemed to be not sp bad, after all.

So I repeated, "Until next time." My face wearing a huge megawatt smile.

His grin got bigger and the driver started driving, making him fade away in the background.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I kept staring at the screen, smiling for no apparent reason.

"Ma'am, is that all?" Ashley asked when she saw my smitten face.

"Uh…Ye-Yeah. I think so." I said while composing myself. She nodded and started to assemble the files in order.

I glanced at my clock. Shit! 6:30p.m. Where did the time go?

"Ok then. I am going home now." She said and took her stuff. "Bye." She smiled at me warmly and then she was out of the door.

I gathered my stuff and checked my cell. Eight missed calls. _Who could it be?_

I opened the log and it was….Mother? She called me? Why would she call me?

My head started to find the possibility as to why she called me. She never calls me.

_Or was it rather you never picked up your phone_, my subconscious snarled.

I tried to not pay attention to my rather infuriated mind. I ignored as if my mother never even called and started to walk out the door. It was much peaceful in that way.

I walked down to the parking lot while managing my dress. I was wearing a purple knee length dress. I simply loved this dress! It used to blend perfectly to my fair skin tone and my brown eyes.

I looked for my car and as I turned right I saw Ed as usual was leaning on the car. He smiled at me when he saw me. I smiled back. I walked to him and as I went near the car he didn't open the door.

That was odd. He always used to open the door first and then talk later.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" I frowned, not understanding.

"Hey there!" someone screamed at me from the back.

I yelped in surprise.

Ed was laughing broadly and I turned around to see who was that idiot that almost gave me another heart attack. Lindsay was the first today to start that trend today.

Wh…what? Karan? Oh my god!

I jumped at him without even thinking for a moment. I hugged him tightly and he embraced me. I couldn't believe that he was here. Oh, he was here. My brother was here!

I didn't release him. I wanted to hug him as long as possible. It seemed like years since I saw him. Since I touched him and hugged him.

Tears started running down my face, unbidden. Oh, I have missed him so much.

I needed to ask him so many questions but I suppressed it for the moment.

"You know you are getting fat day by day." He teased while I was still hugging him.

"What?" I released him in surprise. And wiped away my tears.

"Told you it will work." He grinned at Ed, who was equally emotional. Though not bursting out in tears.

I elbowed Karan's arm.

"You guys, it's not funny." I murmured. They were still laughing.

I narrowed my eyes at them.

"Ok fine. Sorry." Karan said as he suppressed his laughter. "So want to take a walk with me? Needed to talk to you about something."

"Of course." I paused and looked at Ed.

"Don't worry. I will take the car. If you need me to pick you up then call me." Ed said before I could say anything.

I nodded.

I wrapped my arm around Karan's and started to head towards the road.

"So this Kyle guy asked you out and you said no?" he said it in a way as if I did a big mistake.

"Well it didn't happen like that."

"But you still said no?"

"Yeah, I suppose." I said in a casual way.

"You are so out of your mind, girl." He said and looked straight in front of him.

I looked around me to see if anyone was following us or something. The paparazzi were crazy in here.

"I...you know…I don't do the date thing anymore. I mean. I am tired of it. It's really unlikely of me to find my 'one true love' and all. I can't believe that people believe in all that shit." I finally said when I saw no one was watching us.

He stopped when I said this and so did I.

Karan turned towards me and held my shoulders with his both hands as if I was a little girl, ad he was the adviser.

"Sis, listen to me. You can't just hide all your life." I raised my eyebrows. Shocked to the conversation we were having now. "This is not supposed to be how you lead your life. You need to get out there and start making mistakes and learn from them."

Whoa…where was this going?

"You cant do this to yourself." And here we go. Lecture time!

"And you know how to live life? You always are at work." I tried to make an argument against him.

"Yes because I have a daughter. I have to provide for her. But you don't. So you don't always have to work this hard. You already have thousands of staff to keep this company intact." He was _so_ full on in brother mode.

Suddenly I remembered about Sonya. And how much I loved and missed my niece. She was a brilliant kid and quite smart, I have to say for her age.

It reminded me of the time when I was also a little girl. Karan was three years older than me and he always used to tease me about anything he wanted.

_Still haven't lost that touch, I guess._

So, anyway, I always thought that my family was different from the others. No one shouted at anyone or had any fights. I really thought that my family was the best and it couldn't be broken.

But I was wrong.

No family is perfect. And neither was mine.

I just didn't think that it would make so much of a difference in my life. And everyone in my family.

"Live your life. Enjoy it. As much as you can." He continued with his lecture. Though I was barely listening. But I liked to hear his voice. It was kind of comforting.

"No, you are right. I don't have a kid. But I have friends and I have you. A great staff. What else do I need?" I shrugged. This conversation shouldn't even be happening. The point was well, pointless.

"I don't know. Something that stops you from hiding. Or maybe it's a 'someone'." He stressed the word _someone._

I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know." I paused. "I haven't figured it out yet. So, for the time being, can you please stop pushing me? I'll know when I am ready."

He shook his head, thinking about something. Definitely thinking that his sister was going in the wrong way. And all of those brotherly worrying. Seriously how could he worry so much? Wasn't it tiring?

"By the way, how's my niece?" I gave a huge smile, trying to change the subject.

Karan tilted his head to one side and looked at me in a don't-act-smart-with-me kind of way. But then, he smiled!

Yeah! Mission accomplished.

"She's fine. And she misses her aunt."

"Ohhh, I miss her too. Tell her that."

"She knows. But sometimes you have to tell that in person. People might start thinking that you don't care about them anymore."

Oh, so that's what this was about. I know why he was there.

"Why did you came, Karan?" I asked sternly.

"What did you mean?"

"Ok let me change the question. Who sent you here?" I raised my eyebrows.

He tilted his head again. "Look, mom just…"

"I knew it!" I said before he could even finish his sentence. My face burning hot. Ugh! I should have known it. She hatched this plan. Oh, what did she want?

"She set you up for this, didn't she? What does she want now?"

"Don't forget she's our mother." He snapped.

"Oh, I haven't. But she had when I told her to do the right thing. But she didn't. Do you remember? Six years ago?" I was adamant too.

"I haven't." he said through gritted teeth. "But you have to let it go. That's done. That's over. Had been for six years." Why did he always have to treat me like a little child? I was so tired of this!

"Easy for you to say." My voice sounded harsh. "What? Your house is like a few miles away from her. You forgive her and now you are happy." I paused. "But I can't forgive her, okay? I cant." I whispered to him. "Maybe dad was the one who broke our family but mom was the one who destroyed our happiness." I couldn't even think about this. I just- I HAD SO MUCH HATRED FOR THEM. So much!

"Anita…listen," I knew he would try to talk me out of it. But that's not going to happen.

"No, you listen. Tell mother that whatever she is planning for me, it won't work. It never will." I snapped.

"Fine. I tried to make some sense into you but apparently it's not possible." He rolled his eyes. He checked his watch then looked up at me.

"I have to go now."

I nodded. Apparently this wasn't how I wanted things to go between us. but it did.

And now I didn't want him to go like this. Angry at me. He was my brother. The only family left. For me. I closed my eyes when I saw his 'upset at me' face.

I jumped at him, hugging him, taking him by surprise.

"Thank you for coming here." I whispered. My voice full of sincerity and warmth.

"No problem." He said and released me. "I knew you won't come. You never have. But the real reason I came here was because mom asked me to tell you that next month there is an event she is organizing. Charity event, I guess. Which she does every year. And since you haven't picked her call for well, forever," he rolled his eyes and smiled. "So she asked me to come and tell you that myself." He paused and took my both hands in his, squeezing it. "And plus I wanted to see my sister."

I smiled tightly but then slowly shook my head in order to make him understand that there was no use of telling me. I won't be going. Not ever. If things were different then maybe…

I didn't know.

"I know." He said when he saw my disinterested look. "Just doing what I have been asked."

I bit my lips while looking at the other way.

"Tell her that I miss her too." I finally said. I didn't know that I wanted to say it but I thought that maybe if Karan says that to her maybe she would give it a rest, of me coming to meet her. I know it was a stupid idea but still.

"You tell her." He smirked at me and winked.

He started to walk but then stopped.

"And Anita?" he said when he turned to look at me.

"Yeah?"

"Call Kyle." He said genuinely. "For a change." He smirked again.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I murmured.

He gave a crooked smile then went on his own.

I kept looking until he was gone. I looked around me and pursed my lips. I was just tired of seeing my life as these little pieces that didn't lead anywhere. It was just a piece.

I ran my hand through my hair and then hide it on my coat pockets. _This was not a life. It cant be._ I started walking with my head down and just try not to think much. Because when I did, most of the thinking leads to a sad yet known realization.

I was going through the old things in the basement when I found a box labeled as 'photos'. I opened it without any hesitation and looked through it. There were many photos. Mostly me. And I realized that aunt must have kept it all together. I looked more carefully. There was one photo from back in Chicago, where we lived…actually I lived and I must have been six or seven when the photo was taken. In the photo I was with aunt and my mother. They looked happy. I looked happy.

I went on to the next and it was a photo of me with my parents and my brother. I was thirteen.

Thirteen. Seemed like forever had pass.

Those times were so great. I…I miss those days.

I missed talking to mother and seeing her. I missed listening to her whenever I didn't listen to her. I missed my father and his stubbornness. His angry but amused face when I used to fight with Karan. I missed everything. And I am sure that they missed me too.

But it was _their_ fault that I couldn't be able to talk to them. It was their fault that they now have to miss me instead of talking to me. It was all their fault.

Not mine.

I put back all the things again in the box in frustration. I didn't want to go back memory lane and think about those horrible past. Karan may have forgotten it had happened but I haven't. I remembered everything with so details that it makes me want to hate them so much!

But I didn't.

They were still my parents. And as much as I wanted to hate then with every fiber of my bone, I still couldn't. But I could try to not get hurt like I got last time. And whatever I did, it was for myself. And I didn't regret it.

I put the box on the shelf and then got up to leave.

It was 8:30p.m when the door bell rang. I head downstairs to check who it might be here at this hour.

Kyle?

No! He won't even know where I lived. How could he know that I lived here? It was bizarre.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Oh?

"Lindsay?" disappointment stabbed me hard. "What are you doing here?"

She was wearing a tight black jeans and a black blouse. Her blond hair was all wavy and… was she wearing contacts?

"And why are you wearing contacts?" her blue hazel eyes are perfect. Then why wear the contacts?

"I love these blue contacts." I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah roll your eyes all you want."

"First tell me what are you doing here?"

She slightly pushed me out of the way so that she could enter and then turned to face me.

"I am here to light your dull life."

"Oh really?" I smirked. "And how are you going to do that?"

"Get ready and you'll know. We are already late." She started to check her cell.

"Late for what?"

"Party." She grinned.

"Huh?" I said, surprised. A party? I was not going to a party. I still remembered what happened last time.

"No huh's and all. You are coming. End of discussion." She added stubbornly.

"I am not going. Have you forgotten what happened last time?"

She shrugged.

"I got pushed into the swimming pool." I half shouted at her.

She grinned broadly. "Oh, right. Well that was five months before. And it was an accident. No one did it intentionally."

I narrowed my eyes.

"Please, come on. It'll be fun." I still didn't say anything. "Please?" she said like a baby.

I exhaled deeply, surrendering. No one could really win if Lindsay says 'please'. Some kind of irresistible thing, I guess. Though it worked really well for her when it came to boys. I, on the other hand, didn't have that kind of unique qualities.

_Thank heavens!_

"Fine." I finally said. "Let me get ready first." I said, sulking.

I headed towards the stairs when I heard Lindsay calling after me, "And wear something pretty."

I rolled my eyes at the comment.

"Don't roll your eyes." she remarked gruffly.

"Oh, you are _so_ trying to kill me." I whispered as I stepped in the threshold.

Lindsay smirked.

I looked around me for a while. The party was being thrown by the poolside area of a house. It was big. So I guess the person who threw the party was someone rich like us!

Lindsay started to move forward and I followed her. After all she was the one who brought me here. I didn't even know who threw this party!

"Before I forget. Who threw this party?" I asked Lindsay as we started to walk by the pool.

Whoa!

A guy almost pushed me into the pool. Hell, this place looked like for booze drinkers and not some decent house. There was a lot of noise. Music was playing on full volume and the music that was playing right now reminded me of zombies. _Zombies_! _Can you believe it?_

"Amanda's friend's cousin sister threw this party." Lindsay said while we tackled people to go and find….someone I guess? I didn't know where we were going. So I left that part to Lindsay.

"Wait, you know Amanda's friend's cousin sister?" I was shocked at the whole connection.

"Kind of. I liked her sense of style." Lindsay grinned.

"Of course you do." I murmured sardonically.

Lindsay raised her eyes and then said, "There's the bar," she pointed at the opposite side of the pool. "Dance floor, well pretty much all around the pool."

I rolled my eyes. "And I…will be with the boys." She smirked. "See you later. And please," she paused with a concern look. "Try to enjoy."

_Oh, yeah. I sure will_, I thought to myself. Full aware of the sarcasm.

"Okey dokey." I said and she nodded. 

Lindsay was gone. For a while now. She was probably dancing with some hot guy. Or maybe even with someone who was ten years younger than her. Lindsay!

I took some paces here and there and I didn't know what to do. If the 'twenty year' version of me would have come here then she would have rocked this party. But then again I wasn't anymore twenty. I was twenty-six. And things like party and having fun didn't really matter much. My mind was always stuck at the twenty storey office building of mine.

But I guess I got older before my age. My thoughts were no more that of a child. But that also didn't mean that I was calling Lindsay a child. No, never.

But all I was trying to say was that there were very few things that mattered in my life. And the word 'fun'? Well I didn't even know the meaning of that word anymore, for that matter of fact.

So, now to spend my precious time, I decided to spend it on the bar. The bar was better than a guy. At least a bar didn't instantly ask for sex in their first meeting.

Stupid dates!

I was full drowned in Metropolitan. God, I didn't even know how many glasses have I drank. I was out of my mind. I was sitting on one of the bar stool and enjoying my drink.

"Hey." Someone called me. "Do you wanna dance?"

I turned my head and it was some blonde guy.

Wait a minute. He looked like as if he was in college!

"Are you in college?" I tried not to slur.

"No." He murmured hesitantly.

And I instantly knew that my guess was right. "Get out." I snapped at him. "Out, you jerk." Stupid!

"But…"

"GET OUT." I shouted at him. and he hastily retreated out of my sight.

I was so drunk.

I closed eyes and tried not to think of anything. And anyone. But I couldn't. He kept coming back in my mind. Oh, it was so frustrating. I looked down at the glass on my hand and it was empty. Refill time!

"Hey, excuse me." I called the barman. He came in front of me."Yeah, listen. Can I get something even stronger?"

He looked at me in surprise. And then smiled.

"For you? No." he said straight away.

I opened my mouth in astonishment and then closed it immediately.

No one said 'no' to me before! What the heck? Did he know who I was?

"Look, you are here to serve drinks so then do your job. Otherwise you are gonna get in trouble." I said furiously, my voice trembling all the way. Must be the drinks.

"Ma'am, not to be rude but I think I would be rewarded for my job."

I frowned. Huh?

"It was your sixth glass. And I pretty much know how much capable people are when it comes to drinks." He smiled politely.

_How dare he say that?_ He didn't even know me. How could he make such assumptions?

Stupid barman! Screw him.

"You don't know anything about me," I looked at the badge he was wearing. "Joe." I added stubbornly.

Joe looked as if he was in his late thirties but then again appearance could be deceptive. He was bald and I didn't even like people who were bald. But Joe was different. And plus he had a natural flair that suited his baldness.

"True. But I still won't give you another drink."

"Fine." I said like an errand child. "Don't. And see if I care." I said and put my head on my hands. Oh, my head was spiraling. Shit!

"So was it because of work? Or boy problem?" Joe came after a bit towards me and asked me.

It took me a moment to know what the real problem was. I mean, there were my sketches which were scheduled for next month and then there was my constant remembrance of the one and only Kyle Langley. It was pretty confusing really. I was going out of my mind. I just didn't know how to stop it.

"Boy problem, apparently." I finally said as I cooled off my head.

"Didn't go out with or something else?"

"No." I raised my face to look straight at Joe. "I didn't go out with him."

"And you regret it now."

Whoa. Do I regret it?

"I don't know." I said the truth.

"Well then find it out yourself." I frowned. "Well call him, naturally." He said when he saw my perplexed look.

"But…I don't know. It might not be the best idea." It definitely wouldn't.

"Well you wouldn't know that unless you call him." He smiled and then he went to take other orders.

_Do I call him?_ I mean, it wouldn't do any harm since he actually was the one who slipped his number to me so me calling, well it does seems natural.

Hmm. Maybe Joe was right. I should call. It's not like I was doing something wrong or anything. So maybe I should give it a try.

I looked around to see if I could find Lindsay but she was nowhere to be found in this crowd. The music was still high. Though not ear damaging! And I could pretty much hear if someone was talking to me. And I could barely recognize anyone.

I took a deep breath and decided to call Kyle. Well, what did I have to lose anyways!

I searched my cell on my purse and when I found it I dialed his number.

Oh, shit! I thought to myself.

On the second ring, he picked it up. "Hello." His same sexy, British voice made chills run through my veins.

I inhaled deeply, like my life was depended on it.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Uh…Kyle?" I finally said.

Oh, shit! _Could someone please kill me_?

"Yes. Anita, is that you?" I smiled. _Hey, he knew it's me!_

"Yeah…yes, it's me." I could hear his smile from the other end.

"Uh…is everything ok? Are you ok?" he started asking question before I could even say anything.

I felt this sudden rush running through my veins. It had to be adrenaline.

"Yes, yes I am fine. Everything's fine. Don't worry." He sighed. A sense of relief washing over his breathing.

"Good. So what's up?"

Here we go. _Nothing to lose here, Anita! _I said it over and over again in my head.

"Well…uh…I know I said before but…uh…you know I was wondering,"

"Yeah?" he said when I paused.

"I was wondering if you would like to," Before I could say anything more I heard someone's voice. A woman's voice.

"Hey, sweetheart where have you kept the towels?" the woman's voice said on the other end.

"I am on the phone. Just a sec." he called to her. "So you were saying?" he murmured.

He was with…? No! No, that's impossible. I must be misunderstanding.

"Hey, you still there?" he inquired.

Who was she?

And why was she with him?

I was way drunk and now my head was spinning at the possibility that what might be going on in his house.

Shit! How did I not realize that before? He wasn't going to wait around for me or for my phone call to be precise. _Boys don't wait. They never do_.

_Oh, I am such an idiot! _

Damn it!

"Uh…you know what, it was a mistake. No. It was a terrible mistake. I am sorry. Forget I ever called."

"But," And I hung up.

I exhaled.

I closed my eyes while my one hand was on my temple. Oh, why did even bothered to call him? Why? I should have known better. He wasn't any different. And its not even like 16th, 17th century that he would wait for my response ad then when I would finally talk to him, he court me and say that I was beautiful and all of those mussy mussy things. Stupid. Really stupid.

I tried to suppress my anger. I didn't want to erupt in front of so many people. But what was I supposed to do? And what kind of person was he? He was with someone else yet he had the courage to ask me out. _I mean who does that?_

Kyle. Oh, he was now in my hate list! Ugh!

I started circling my finger on the brim of the empty glass. Anger and betrayal was pricking me like a thorn. A damn thorn. And now I was just…god, I was so angry!

"You know you look awfully exhausted than your age?" Someone murmured from my right side.

Oh, great. Who now?

I turned to see who it was with a face of absolute blasé. "And who are you to make that kind of comment?"

The guy looked the same age like me. Though I had to admit that he was quite handsome. He had brown hair with highlights. His body was perfectly shaped. Looked like he must have been doing workouts. He wore a black t-shirt and a black jean.

"I am just someone doing some observation and giving comments." He said in a seductive tone.

Well, well. Someone was like me. I liked this fellow.

"Oh. Well I have to say your comments aren't so impressive."

"Well that's just your point of view."

I raised my eyebrows. Oh, so we had a smart mouth in town! Great.

"Do you wanna dance?" I asked out of the blue.

He looked at me, surprised. I guess at first he thought I was in a bad mood so he tried to cheer me up but seeing my so fast change of mood, he may had been wondering how the hell I recovered so easily.

But then again it was me. Adapting was my forte.

And plus, I wanted to see how good he could dance!

"Yeah sure." He finally said and gave me a mystified smile.

He holds out his hand and I took it. The song that was playing was quite slow. And I hated slow dancing. But I guess I couldn't change the music. So I had to dance.

He moved his one hand on my waist and the other holding my hand. We started to move slowly. At first it was very hard for me to follow him. He was so stiff. But slowly we got the flow and followed it.

He was really funny. A very unique sense of humor. We talked casually about things. Not too deep. And I liked it. I didn't fell any struggle to talk to him, which I always had when I talked to Kyle. But…unlike Kyle, this guy didn't make me want to smile. With Kyle the smile was always there. I didn't have to force myself or anything to smile.

And I was still thinking about him! Damn it, Anita. Stop thinking about him. The more you think the more you would realize his backstabbing.

Well, it wasn't exactly backstabbing but whatever.

"So what's your name?"

And here started asking the personal stuff.

"You know we are having so much fun. Name and stuff can be asked anytime so why waste our time with that." I muttered with a tight smile. My hand skimming his face, wanting more.

He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it.

"What?" I asked as I let my hand fall from his face.

"It's about a boy, wasn't it?"

"What?" I frowned. Where was he going with it?

"Earlier. When you were upset. It was because of someone, wasn't it?"

"Uh…its not…" I stopped mid-way. What was I supposed to say? The guy who gave me his number to call, end up with someone else when I finally called? Yeah. That would be an excellent summary.

And plus this guy, with whom I was dancing did even knew me, so what the hell with all these questions!

"I get it." He released me. "Relax." He smiled reassuring. "I totally get it."

He went a little away from me and then bowed down and kissed my hand. Oh, such manners!

"It was nice meeting you." He said and smiled.

I nodded with a questioning expression.

_What the hell just happened?_

I kept standing on the dance floor, understanding or trying to understand what just happened right now. I shook my head in utter astonishment.

He left. He just left. I couldn't believe that.

But why? He didn't have to. I mean, it wasn't like he knew me or something or that…

Did I hurt his feelings? Did I? But, well, I…

Oh! It was so confusing.

"Anita." Someone called me from the back.

I turned. It was Lindsay. "Hey, where have you been? I have been searching you for so long." She said in a worried tone.

I didn't say anything. I was too distracted in my thoughts to answer her.

"Hey Anita?" she shook me by my shoulder.

"What?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." I whispered. Why did he leave?

She looked at me for a moment trying to gauge the reaction.

"So can we go home now?" she said in a bitter tone. Hmm, did something happened to her?

She was great when she came here.

"Yes. Lets go." I said without any further speculations. I already had enough for one day.

I leaned on the seat while my head was resting on the window glass. I sat gazing at the outside world. I took a peek at my watch. It was 1:25a.m. It was so late. Lindsay was driving. I sat still. It was so quiet. Well, inside the car of course. No one said anything. And I party wondered what might have happened that Lindsay wasn't even talking about how much she enjoyed or which boy was most cute. It was so unlike her.

I gazed outside and I saw only people. And from my point of view it looked quite grey than colorful. Yeah, it was Manhattan. It was probably one the most exciting and unpredictable place. But for me, it was an escape place. This place was my escape. From everything. From my past. From my unknown future. And, I, I just didn't feel it like that anymore. It changed. I was changing.

And even though change might be good. But, I was, I was afraid. Because with change comes unknown emotions that were alien to me and probably I wont like it. And that was most terrifying. To just even wonder what would come next. What if I didn't like it? What if it was too much?

And I didn't want to lose my control and that grip I had on my life. I never want to change it.

And today was quite a day. It was unexpected and unnerving and full of chaos. I got to feel so many different emotions all on the same day. I felt and understood things I never thought I could. Well, something's were still in doubt.

Like, like that guy.

"Hey you ok?" Lindsay asked, solicitously. Her gaze ahead at the road.

"I don't know." I was still glancing out the window. It was looking so lonely and alone. It was different than what we see in day. I guess that was the point. Night was far more revealing than day. Everyone could just pretend to be anything all day. But night, everyone's true nature resurfaces.

"You remember you told me that I can tell you anything. Well that same rule applies for you too." I turned to look at her. "What's happened? Tell me."

I sighed.

"I met Kyle today." She instantly looked at me with a panicked face. "Watch the road." I reminded her.

"So, so, what happened with him?" she was looking ahead but I knew she was paying more attention to what I would say.

"Uh…he asked me out and I said no." I paused. "So, later at the party, when I called me I heard him with another woman."I scratched my temple as the memory of that came running down.

"What?" Lindsay paused and looked at me. Then again she resumed staring ahead. "What are you going to do now?" she whispered, careful enough not to ask some wrong questions.

I shook my head. "What I always do"

She frowned. "I'll forget about it and I'll survive." That was my life.

Lindsay didn't say anything in reply. Maybe because she knew who I was. And she understood it. And yes, in normal occasions she would have told something but today she didn't. So I resumed my monotonous staring out the window. It was much more interesting than talking about your inner feelings.

Far better.

In the next morning I woke up at precisely 8a.m. And for me waking that early on the weekend was a big thing. After getting showered and putting on some clothes, I wrapped up my wet hair with a towel and fired my laptop. I opened the search machine and typed Kyle's name.

Whoa! I opened the Wikipedia page. This guy was famous! I scrolled down the page and read more about him. Oh! He had also wrote a novel? On psychological...something, something. It all went above my head. I tried to read about his family. His father was in textile industry and his mother was a renowned psychiatrist. _Like mother like son_, I thought to myself.

I scrolled down the page as I tried to look at his personal life. Well, I sure as hell, wanted to know whether he was as atrocious as I assumed him to be. Who was I kidding? He was definitely one of those awful people I ever met.

_Then why would he help you at the airport?_

The question arises in my head. I scratched my temple as questions flooded my mind. A horrible person should be horrible at everything. It would be ingrained in them. But he did help me. He told me to go back. He told me to do the right thing.

I ran my hand through my hair in exasperation. Oh, it was getting complicated. Why did it have to be so complicated? Couldn't I just give it a rest? The more I thought about it the more it was eating my brains.

I slide my laptop away from me with a lot of force. I won't see anymore. To hell with Kyle Langley.

Suddenly the door bell rang.

I exhaled.

I knew exactly who it was.

I opened the door and said, "Good morning, Lindsay."

She smiled. "Hey there. Wow! You are awake. Today must be special." She said in a teasing way and entered the house.

She looked around for a while and then her eyes locked on something. She was looking at the laptop.

"Hmm, and what might we have here?" she said and started walking towards the table on which the laptop was kept.

"Nothing important, trust me." I muttered, not even a little concerned that she was going to see it.

She looked at the page very carefully and then turned to smirk at me.

"Don't smirk. It's nothing." I added nonchalantly.

She grinned. "Liar."

"I am not lying." I protested.

"Whatever. Listen I need to go out and do some errands. And I was thinking maybe you should come with me and we can talk." She suggested.

Talk? Hmm, that meant she might be giving me details. Of course about last night.

Ok, I was up for it.

"Yeah, why not. Anyways I am getting bored in here."

"Ok." she said, smiling.

At around 1:30p.m we came home. We took Lindsay's car and as we were entering the gate we saw someone has parked the car in front of the gate, standing beside it, leaning against the car. I looked closer. Oh, shit! Not AGAIN.

It was Kyle.

Lindsay stopped the car, her face full of shock. We got out of the car when Kyle saw us. Wow! As usual he was looking great. He was wearing a blue shirt and a black jean. His caramel hair spiked at the front. For some unknown reasons I was a little panicked.

Why?

"Anita, hey!" he was no longer leaning.

"Hey." I muttered with no interest. "What a pleasant surprise." I murmured and didn't sound happy.

"I know that I should have called or something but I needed to talk to you."

Oh? That was news. Came here to apologize? Or just to make any excuse about last night.

"Ok." I said and looked at Lindsay in a weird way. Actually it was my way of saying 'get out'.

Lindsay smiled innocently and turned to face Kyle.

Oh this doesn't look good!

"I should get inside. But these bags are so heavy." She said like a damsel in distress. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, let me take it inside." Kyle like a gentleman insisted.

Great.

"Oh, that's so kind of you." She chimed.

What? What was going on? Was I watching some kind of t.v show? This was ridiculous.

"So now can we go inside?" I said, exasperated.

Kyle started to walk ahead while Lindsay and I walked behind. Lindsay smirked.

I opened the door and Kyle entered with the shopping bags. Lindsay carefully was observing me and then again Kyle. What was she up to?

"Where should I put it?" Kyle said just as we entered the hall.

I opened my mouth to say but before I could Lindsay opened her smart mouth.

"The couch is fine." She smiled.

Kyle turned to his left and kept the bags on the couch. It was then when I got a glance at his alluring body. Damn! He had breathtakingly amazing body. His shirt was quite tight at the arm region and as he kept the bags I could see his muscles on his arm and it was like…heaven. He must have been working out everyday.

Wait. I shouldn't be thinking about this things. What was up with me?

After keeping the bags he stood erect and faced us. I wondered how he would look like without his shirt off.

What? Where did that came from? I quickly shook my head to throw away all these wayward thoughts.

I exhaled deeply.

"So I guess I should leave you guys to it." Lindsay said.

_Now you are saying?_

Lindsay took the stairs and went upstairs.

"You called me…"

I stopped him by raising my hand.

"Wait. Its not the right place to talk." I whispered at him.

I pointed him the stairs. "She might be listening."

Kyle raised his eyes. "Ok."

I took him to the kitchen and then stood facing at the kitchen sink. He couldn't see my face.

"So you where saying?"

"Why did you hang up on me?"

Huh? I frowned and turned towards him.

"Is that why you came here?"

"Yes and no." I tilted my head to one side. What was he upto? "Look I am really confused in here. What happened?"

"What do you mean by 'what happened'?" I asked nonchalantly.

"I mean why you called me and then when you were about to say something and that's when you hung up on me. I need to know what happened."

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and then opened it. What was I supposed to say? That I heard your girlfriend's voice and panicked? Or that I didn't like that you have a girlfriend? And that you didn't keep your word?

Well, technically he didn't give me his word. He just said that to call him.

"I was drunk and I kind of called you. It was nothing, really." I tried to console him.

"No. you are lying."

"I am not. Why do you keep bringing this up? We don't even know each other and you just showed up in my house." I half shouted at him.

He raised his eyes. "And what's more confusing is that you have a girlfriend. So why are you even here?" I finally said.

He frowned. Well, it was the truth. So suck on that!

"Girlfriend? Wh…what are you talking about?"

"I heard her voice. Don't deny it." I snapped.

"Wa…wait. You are misunderstanding."

"No, I am not." I snapped again.

"Yes you are. That voice you heard was my mother's."

His…what? My face turned red. Mother? From did his mother come? Oh, this was getting more confusing.

I opened my mouth in astonishment and then closed it again. That was his mother? But I? and then….Oh shit!

"But I heard a voice and then,"

"And you thought its my girlfriend so you hung up." He paused. "Yeah I think I am getting the picture now." He smirked.

"But that's not," I was still shocked. That was his mother?

"Look," he came close to me. Very close. "I don't know what you thought and I don't want to. What I really care is that whether we still have a chance or not."

Ok. What chance? Whose chance?

"Chance for what?" I frowned. Where was this going?

"I don't know. Future." He whispered to me.

My heart started to beat faster. Future?

I tried to take in what he just said. Was he really serious? But why? We didn't even know each other.

I wanted to tell him that maybe it was not a good idea. But every bone in my body was just telling me to give him this chance. And I didn't know why but I wanted to. I looked puzzled at him. He, on the other hand, seemed to be quite relaxed. Why?

He just told me something that was way weird for someone to say after just talking to me for like a while and now he was relaxed? How come? Where did he get all his restrained from?

I tried to gauge his face, trying to find any hint of clue as to what he was thinking. And then nothing. I couldn't. He was too concealed.

"You are not going to ask me to marry you or something right?"I said in an amused tone.

He grinned. "No, Anita. We don't even know each other." He smirked.

Great! Using my own dialogue against me. "But I would like to know you." He added.

And I found his words quite, I didn't know, truthful. And it was as far a person could be honest with someone.

I stared at him and there was silence. It wasn't awkward. It was just….refreshing.

"Ok." I nodded softly. I could give it a try. It was not like I was going to fall in love or something.

I smiled at the thought.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

He was walking ahead. While I was a little behind. It was a nice Sunday evening. It was around 5o'clock. And the sun was setting. The sky looked beautiful right now.

We were at the Bryant Park and it was amazing there. There was a reading place too. And I loved to spend time there. Other than wanting to be a designer during my childhood, the one other thing I loved most was reading books.

Most of my life I found myself solving my problems by reading books. It was the only way I could have ever done it.

"So what's your favorite color?" he asked.

I looked at him with a crooked smile. "Is that all you could come up with?"

He smiled his sexy smile and shrugged his shoulders.

I shook my head in amusement. "Blue." I finally said.

I thought some while if I should ask him that question. I mean he could easily think I was a fool. So I took up the courage and asked him.

"So, all your patients are like…" I hesitated. He gazed at me while we walked. "You know psychologically unstable?" I frowned.

This question was bugging me for so long. I wondered what it might be like to actually talk to someone who was unstable or psychotic. Wasn't he afraid of that? How could he handle?

"Uh…no." he said. "Each case is unique, you see. Every patient has different problems and has different story. Not everyone is mad." He smirked at me when he said the last sentence.

"Right." I smiled at my own stupid question. How foolish!

"Do you always wanted with be a psychologist?" I asked him when we took a turn.

He frowned as if processing the question for the first time. "Actually…no. No, I didn't." I frowned. "I wanted to be a pilot."

I raised my eyes at him. Him and pilot? I tried to imagine it.

Hmm.

"But I guess I was destined to be what I am now." He added.

I stood astounded. Destiny? He believed in that stuff?

"What?" he stopped walking when he saw I stopped.

"You believe in that stuff? I mean destiny and all?"

He shrugged.

"Why not! I mean it's nice to believe in something rather than just feeling empty inside."

I exhaled, amused.

"You really do think a lot, don't you?" I beamed at him and I started walking leaving him behind.

"Why do you say that?" he said as he catches up with me, walking backwards in front of me so that he could see my face.

I twitched my mouth. "Well you are… thoughtful and deep." I paused. "Most of the time."

"That's a compliment, right?" he smirked. "Well, the first part, of course." He added smiling.

"Yeah, that's definitely a compliment."

He raised his one eyebrow and started to walk beside me, shaking his head. After walking for a while I gave up and sat on one of the chair that where kept there. I was so tired. I could barely walk anymore.

"What happened?" he gave a smile, knowing very well that I was tired.

"I can't walk anymore. I am tired." I said while I take off my Louboutins.

"Well blame those shoes."

"What?" I frowned.

He tilted his head to one side. "We planned to go out for a walk and you decided to wear those giant shoes. Seems a little irrelevant." He teased.

I opened my mouth but then closed it immediately. He was right, though.

I shrugged.

"Can't help it." I said, simply. "Habit."

He sat beside me in one of the chairs and looked straight at the setting sun. I wondered what he was thinking.

Even though now I was going out with him and it was just today that I didn't meet him randomly, I felt as if I need to tell him the truth. Why was it that I said no to him in the first place and all those stuff.

But the question was- Should I? What if he thought of me as someone bad? What if my past makes him believe that I was not good?

Question started to flood inside my mind. And there was no way to ignore it.

I knew that it was too early to even think about this. I mean it was not like we were in a relationship. But I still thought about this. I just didn't know why.

"Hey, I was wondering," he asked and I turned to face him. "Do you want to go with me to Alaska?"

Alaska? Uh…

I gasped.

"Its not like that." He ensured me. "You wont be going alone with me. My sister is going and her boyfriend and my friend. You can also bring your friends if you want." He just said it with any hesitation.

I frowned. Did I want to go with him? Uh, I didn't think so. I hardly got to know him and a vacation with him? Hmm. not so appropriate.

"Um," I struggled to find words. "I cant really say whether I will go or not." I paused, my brow creased. "By the way when is it?"

"Wednesday."

Wednesday? Right. What excuse should I give?

"Ok. Um, lets see what I can do. But I cant guarantee anything." I said in a apologizing manner.

"I am not forcing you. You can decide for the time being and then tell me." his smile was heart melting.

I smiled warmly and he turned his face to watch the dusk.

I walked into my office when suddenly I saw what was actually going on in there.

There was a huge bouquet that was sitting on my desk. The bouquet had Carnations. Hey it was my favorite flower! I walked to my desk and touched the flower. Who might have sent it?

I instantly called my assistant, Ashley. She came running to my door.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Where did this bouquet came from?"

She came inside the room and looked at it for a moment.

"I don't know, ma'am. It was here when I came. The guards said some guy delivered it."

I shook my head, annoyed. "Ok, fine. Go."

"Yes, ma'am." She made a hasty retreat.

I looked closely at the bouquet and then turned it around when I saw a card attached to it. I took it and read.

It was written:

_For our time together,_

_Kyle._

Oh, so it was him. I relaxed thinking that. Oh that was sweet of him! My mood instantly changed thinking about him.

I took out my cell and dialed his number. He picked it up at the third call.

"Did you get it?" I was sure he was beaming at the phone.

"You could have at least given me a head start. My staff was looking at me as if I was an entertainer."

He laughed softly. "At least they had some fun in your torture chamber." He teased.

"Not funny." I scolded him. "And how did you know that my favorite is Carnations?"

"Just a lucky guess." I knew he was not telling me something.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Ok. Anyways I have to go now. I have work to do, unlike some people who just give advices for a living."

Game on! It was my turn to tease.

"And that's something funny. Anyways can I see you after work?"

"I don't know. I still have to finish my sketches. Do…I'll call you if I get free."

"Ok."

"Ok" I was grinning. Neither of us hanging up.

"I gotta go."

"Ok, then. Who's stopping you?" he smirked.

"Bye."

"Bye, see you soon." And I hung up.

I kept smiling, even though I didn't know why the hell I was smiling. That was what happened whenever I talked to him.

"Ma'am, Rebecca is here." Ashley barged in and caught me smiling.

"Oh…ok. I'll be right out." I composed myself.

Ashley tried to suppress her smile. "Ok, ma'am." She said and then left.

Phew!

I shifted my head from left to right. Tired. I glanced at the clock. It was 6:30p.m. I thought I should call Kyle but then again I didn't even know how much time I was going to be here. So I dismissed the thought immediately. I opened the file and started going through it.

I closed the file. At last it was finished. I checked my watch. It was 7:43p.m. I quickly assembled my things and went to the elevators. It whisked me down to the ground floor.

Ed won't be picking me up today because he had to do something that he was not even going to tell me. So, I figured I would take the cab or something.

I made my way to the glass double doors and as I got out I had the strangest feeling as if someone was watching me. I turned instantly to see who it was.

What?

There he was leaning against the wall looking at me. I literally expired, thinking that it might be someone else.

But it was Kyle.

What was he doing here? I smiled looking at him.

He was wearing a brown t-shirt along with blue jeans. He was holding his jacket in his one hand. He was looking stunningly handsome.

I exhaled deeply. Damn!

"If you think working late will help you avoid me then you are wrong." He smirked.

What was it always about him and the smirk? It made me blush. Actually everything about him made me blush. But I tried to conceal it as much as I could.

I went up towards him. "What are you doing here?" I beamed at him. It was really an unexpected surprise.

"I thought you are lying to me about working late and went out with someone else. So I am checking up on you." He grinned at me.

I tilted my head towards one side and raised my eyebrows at him. "Why are you really here?"

He shrugged and smiled. "I wanted to see you."

I gaped at him as if I didn't really think he would be saying that to me anytime soon. And the most important thing was that he just spoke straight forward. There was no hint of irony or anything.

"I am glad you did." I murmured to him.

Why did I say? I frowned at my own remarks. But didn't want to think about it now.

"So shall we go now or do you want to stay and talk on the road?"

"Oh…ok." I giggled softly. "I am starving."

"Ok, we can go to a place to eat. I know the right place."

"Yeah, that sounds nice." I smiled and then started walking.

"Out of every place you could find, you chose this place?" I asked him when his car stopped in front of the restaurant where we met. Coincidently.

"Why you don't like this place?" his gaze was paralyzing. He was leaning over me.

"Uh, no. I like this place." I muttered. "Mostly because I used to come here with my aunt. We were very close." I added.

He smiled. Then he got out of the car and came to my side. Opening my door, I climbed out. He looked amused as he holds out his hand. I frowned, not understanding what was he thinking and I wrapped my hand on his.

We walked inside and the room was flooded with people. Wow. I wondered if we would get a table or not. I frowned.

"Hello, sir. Welcome back." the waiter came and greeted Kyle. "And welcome back, ma'am." He muttered to me.

I nodded hesitantly. How did he know that I came here before? I meant he was definitely not the waiter who usually took my orders.

"Your table is right here." he said while he was walking up to the table and we were following him.

And we got a table instantly too! Hmm. Sounded fishy.

Kyle let me get seated first and then he sat on his seat opposite me. his face wearing an impassive expression.

"So how come we got a table in this way crowded place?" I muttered suspiciously.

He shrugged. "Maybe we are just lucky." As he said his eyes locked on mine and I flinched for no apparent reason.

I scowled at him. "You made a reservation here, didn't you?"

"Shall we order now?" he dodged that question. I pouted.

"Fine."

He raised his eyebrows at me and then shook his head, smiling and turned his attention on the menu. I smiled and glanced over at the menu too.

"So why psychiatrist?" I asked him. I was really interested in his profession. I had never met one. And talking with one just made my interests reach sky high. "Why not go in any other profession? Why this?"

He shrugged.

"Why did you want to be a fashion designer?"

He had a point. _We want what we want_. My aunt used to say that.

"True."

"Now my turn." He said as he kept the fork on the table. "Tell me about your parents."

Whoa…jumping from one place to another.

"That was a fast change of topic."

He shrugged. "I want to know you."

"And you think that by knowing about my parents will help you know about me?"

"Oh, yes." He gave me a crooked smile.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Um, well, let's see." I struggled to even think to mom and dad. "My, uh, dad's name is Danny Dacquel. He is a business man. He is part American and part Indian." I started saying quickly. "He met my mother, Rita Arya, she is a journalist, when he was in his senior year of high school." Memories flooded in front of me. "They never thought they would see each other again but they went to the same college."

Kyle's interests were in full blown. I could see it in his eyes. "And, um, then they got married. They were 20."

"Wow." Kyle muttered in appreciation.

"Yeah." I used to love this story whenever mom used to tell me this. When I was a kid I used to think it was one of those fairytale stories. And that my everything would always be the same.

Problem was that, that was never true.

"So where are they now?" his questions seemed to never end.

"Back at Chicago. That's were I formerly used to live. But because of my, um, work, I had to stay here." I could actually give a convincing lie. Kind of.

"Well, you must awfully miss them, I mean, wit them living,"

"How about you tell me about your parents now. I said it. Your turn now." I interrupted him. I couldn't anymore handle talking about my family.

Kyle frowned but then smiled. He knew something was up. But he didn't objected or anything and began describing about his parents.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I stretched my feet as I paced around my office, thinking about last night. Well, it wasn't really that much of a big deal. I mean, I only went for dinner. But the question was- was I doing the right thing?

That same question had been going on in my mind over and over again. _I just hoped I wasn't leading him off or anything. _Because that would turn out very badly. I knew that firsthand.

"Damn it." I whispered to myself as I felt helpless.

"Knock, knock." A chiming voice came from the background. I turned to see who it was.

"Lindsay." I muttered. "Come on in."

She smiled and sat on the chair opposite to mine. Her eyes gleaming with curiosity. I think. Why? I sat on my chair and frowned at her reaction.

"So, how was it?" she asked with a burning inquisitiveness.

"How was what?" what was she talking about?

"Well, of course the dinner." She said as a matter of fact.

I gasped in horror. What? How did she know about that? Was she following me?

_She better not be following me!_

"What dinner?" I asked shrewdly.

"Oh, don't be such a coy."

"I am not." My voice adamant.

Lindsay tilted her head to one side as a gesture of her increasing vexation. But my expression remained impassive, not ready to give away.

"Oh, come on!" she burst out after a while like a little girl who didn't get the toy she wanted.

I laughed.

"Not funny." She was wounded.

I shrugged.

"Please say something or it's just me, making a joke of myself."

Ok, enough messing with her. I guess I should tell her or otherwise she would bring down the whole office with her.

I shook my head at that thought.

"Fine." I said. "It was fine. The dinner." Lindsay eagerly stared at my face. "Please don't stare like that." It was a little distracting.

She instantly composed her look and looked nonchalantly. _Better._ I took a deep breath and continued. "So, um, I guess it was fine. But, uh, I don't know. I just don't want to lead him on, you know. That would be," I struggled to find the right word. "Wrong."

She raised her eyebrows, probably surprised at my candor. "Since when?" I found her saying.

Wh..what?

I opened my mouth in surprise. At her not-so polite critical comment. But then I closed it as reason calmed my mind. I swallowed hard and leaned on the desk in front of me and looked at Lindsay.

"Since now." I whispered and then winked at her.

Lindsay smirked too and shook her head. I, on the other hand heaved a sigh of relief. Well, at least I dropped that subject easily. It was kind of easy to do it. Since I had been always a 'non serious' person. I never had been. And so I guess I couldn't blame people who would never believe that I could actually think of someone ahead of me.

I mean wasn't that our nature now? Think of our self first and then the world. I have read all those moral stories about people doing the right thing and treating everyone morally and all. But do we do that often? I didn't think so. Hell, it never did. We just pretended that we do all along. From the very beginning.

We just kept going on our way, thinking of how to actually make a small name in this big world. I mean it is a big world after all and being a significant and important person was not really that easy. _Certainly not!_

And thinking about us is good. But, but at what cost? At what measured could we achieve it?

I knew from my heart that I wasn't ready for a relationship let alone a serious one. But was it _the_ right thing to do to just let him think that I was ready?

No. No one deserved that. At least not the nice ones.

And I would so want to get over this 'phobia' of not being able to accept that things could turn out to be good. But I just couldn't. I couldn't. It was kind of a impossible thing for me. And there was no way o getting over it.

I closed my eyes and then opened as I stared at the glass window.

"Hey, you here?" Lindsay pulled me out of my reverie after what seemed a long time.

I blinked rapidly and then shift my glance towards her.

"Yeah, I am good." I muttered.

"Good. Because I have to go now." She flipped her hair and got up. "By the way, I do believe that you would never do something that is wrong."

I frowned, half smiling.

Lindsay took the file she came in with and then left. I leaned back on my revolving chair and closed my eyes. I inhaled sharply and let my senses calm for a while. Lately I hadn't been feeling so good. Maybe because of the stress. I didn't know. I just, I couldn't think straight.

I nodded in agreement to my thoughts and that's when the phone rings.

I was alert all of a sudden and frowned. Who might it be?

I checked the caller ID and it was Kyle. Why was he calling?

"Hey." I murmured.

"Hi." His voice was low and quiet.

"So, what's up?" I asked when he didn't say anything else.

"Uh, nothing apparently. I just thought about you and I called." He said as if that explains everything.

Oh. I didn't say anything in reply. Was I supposed to say anything? I bit my lip in desperation.

"Right." That's all I could come up with. He also didn't say anything. My heart suddenly pounding and I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. And no, it wasn't because of some erotic feeling or me having a sexual desire. It was just, just plain nerves. I just froze. I didn't have anything else to talk about. And it seemed that he didn't too.

We both stayed that way for what seemed a _long_ time. I could hear his breathing. And his amusement too!

"Something funny?" I asked.

"Uh, no." he was grinning. "No, nothing's funny."

I frowned. What weren't you telling me? I opened my mouth to ask him but I stopped.

"Ok." I paused and exhaled. "If you say so."

He grinned again.

"Ok, you can stop grinning." I said, irritated.

"Sorry. It's just, it's just you make me smile." I blushed.

He made me smile at his reply. "Well, I think the feeling is not mutual. The only thing you do is irritate me." I added stubbornly.

"I doubt that." He said without hesitation.

I blinked thrice in surprise. At the way he said. He sounded so confident. No hint of, of humor. It was straight. And honest.

"Ok, I, uh, I have to go now." I announced. "So, I'll see you soon?" it came out as a question.

"Yes, I'll see you soon." He muttered reassuring.

"Ok." I finally said. My voice full of hesitation.

"Ok." He said too.

I shook my head, at the way we were behaving. Seemed childish.

"And by the way, have you given any thought about that trip?" he asked when I was about to hang up.

My brow formed cress. Right. The trip. Well, I wasn't planning on going there. And plus it would be a little too soon. Wasn't it?

"Yeah, that." That was my start to rejection. "Uh, I, I don't know. I have so much work to do. There's this new line that I have been working with. And, I," I stopped, praying that he doesn't get hurt or something.

There was no sound at the other end. "Uh, you there?" I asked, not sure what was going on.

"Yes. Yes, I am here." he finally said. And he didn't even sound angry or anything.

Phew!

"Ok." I muttered in relief. "So, how about I'll tell you later?"

"Okay." He whispered. "Bye."

He said and hung up. I stared at the phone for a while and then put it down. Even though he wasn't sounding as bad as I thought he would, I still doubted that. That he might not be telling me if he was hurt by it. Because I didn't want to hurt him. I wouldn't.

I ran my hands through my hair. Why were things so complicated? Why couldn't there be just a simple solution to every question we ever had. Why does it always have to be so full of chaos and confusion? It would just save time if it wouldn't turn out so complicated.

I scratched my head and decided to not think of it anymore and reached for the blank pages on the desk.

I tied my hair back with a hair band. It was about 5:30p.m when I started to gather my stuff. Now I just had to get into the car and go home and have a long bath and then, well, that's it. I would go to sleep. I was so tired.

I head for the elevators and pressed the button. After a few seconds the elevator door opened and got in. It whisked me down to the parking lot. As usual Ed was there. He smiled as he saw me. It was amazing how a little smile could actually make you feel better. Not healed but better.

He opened the door and climbed in. I made myself comfortable and the car move forward and then to the road. I took my iPod out of my bag and inserted the ear phones in my ear. Music filled in and I didn't know who was singing. Courtesy to Lindsay that she always plays with it and god knows what songs she put it in.

I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"I heard that you were going out with someone." Ed said casually.

I removed my ear phones and frowned at his sudden comment.

"Where did you hear it from?" I asked.

Ed looked at me through the rear view mirror and then again at the road. "Who do you think?" he smiled.

Of course. Lindsay. I shook my head. "Well its not true. And you shouldn't even listen to a word she says. She always," I waved my hand. "Just make up things. She is crazy."

Yes that she was.

Ed nodded. "You don't have to explain to me."

I shrugged. "I know. I am just making things clear."

"I know." He muttered in an amusing tone. And for Ed that was he's way of saying that it's my life and I should know what's right for me.

I smiled. "Thank you."

He frowned, his gaze still intact on the road. "For what?"

"For being there for me. Always." He nodded. Nothing else. Just that. Sometimes it made me want to laugh seeing him being so formal all the time. I mean I knew him for so many years now. And, well, he didn't change a bit. Maybe it was for the best. That maybe this Ed was the best Ed he could ever be.

I shook my head at my own assumptions. I exhaled. I was so becoming crazy. No wonder I had been feeling different.

I plugged back in the ear phones and resumed listening to my music. Right from the beginning.

It was later when I checked my cell when I noticed that I had five missed calls from Lindsay. I called back her but she wasn't picking up. I frowned. I called again. Still not picking it up.

"What the hell!" I muttered while at the phone.

I decided to not think of the worse because I guess that was what I was best at. And as much as I would not like to freak out and scream the hell out of here, I was still worried. Maybe it was just me over thinking it but I just had that feeling, that something was wrong. I, I didn't know. It was hard to comprehend these feelings.

I took a nice long deep breath and then calmed myself. She was probably ok. Yeah, she was. I was just over thinking it.

Wait. I thought said this line before too! Oh, it didn't make any sense.

"Calm down. Just, calm down." I muttered to myself. Reciting it several times, I head to my room. I curled up on my bed and opened Emily Bronte's _Wuthering heights_.

2a.m.

I kept twisting turning but nothing was working. I couldn't sleep. I sat astride. "Great." I said and exhaled.

I scrambled out of bed, went downstairs then to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and took the bottle of water. After I drank some, I leaned on the kitchen counter while gazing at the wall. There wasn't that much light in here. I didn't put on the lights. The only light that could enter was through the window. And it was faint too.

My fingers were constantly tapping while my mind was adrift somewhere else. Which I guess I wasn't conscience of. I tilted my head to my left side and that's when I heard the noise.

I instantly turned towards the door. Someone was here. My heart started racing with extra speed. I slowly took a few steps and stood at the entrance of the kitchen while listening carefully. Very carefully.

Seconds passed and I lost track of time. I leaned in more to hear clearly from where the noise was coming. I listened. I waited. And then.

"Footsteps."

Shit.

I panicked and my mind was spiraling. I couldn't think straight! I had my hand on my temple, desperately trying to think what to do in this situation. I looked here and there while searching for some object that could help me fight this, this thief.

I saw the steel frying pan. And I took it. Yes. This could work. Yes, this could. I just had to engage this thief long enough till the cops get the information from the security alarm company that someone had breached in.

Yes. Ok.

I nodded to myself and prepared myself to attack and that's when, "The alarm didn't go off." I whispered. "It didn't."

Uh….

I blinked rapidly and my mind was now in utter confusion. Why didn't it go off? That didn't make any sense. I frowned. I wasn't feeling anymore afraid. I walked straight up to the living room and found no one there. I mean I was a little scared but, was I dreaming? But, no, I wasn't dreaming. I heard someone's footsteps. I did.

I sat on the arm of the chair as I couldn't comprehend what the hell was going on. I peeked and looked straight at the front main door, it wasn't open and there was no one here.

Oh, what the hell?

I was getting out of my mind.

"There you are."

I jumped in surprise as I held up the pan in air and turned.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." She had her hands in the air, in a defense mode.

"Lindsay!" I burst out. The frying pan still on my hand and I was posing as if I had been shooting a 'Tangled' fighting scene.

"What the hell?" Lindsay shouted at me, terrified at my behavior.

I lowered my weapon. "What the hell? What the hell are you doing? How did you get in?" I muttered in anger. Frustration.

Relieved. Yeah. I guess that was mostly what I was feeling.

"What do you think? I came to see you. And I had this." She holds out the keys that I lend her _once upon a time._

I glanced at the cloak. "At 2.15? Seriously? You know no bounds, do you?" I was panting. "Damn it." I said and threw away the pan on the couch.

"Oh, god. You scared me." she expressed her horror as I sat on the arm of the chair. Again.

I cupped my head and closed my eyes. My breathing was heavy and I, I just wasn't feeling myself.

Lindsay came forward and put her hand on my shoulders. "Sorry, for scaring you." She said genuinely.

I shook my head. "It's ok."

"Didn't want to upset you or anything."

I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head. "Trust me, you are not my problem." I muttered.

"Does it have to do with Kyle?" Lindsay said without any hesitation.

I looked up at her and frowned. She raised her eyes as she saw my impassive face. And in the moment, I guess I understood that maybe that was what was bothering me. Yeah, it made perfect sense. I mean most of the time I used to think about him. About not hurting him. Why the hell was I worrying so much? I mean, it was so not me. This caring so much about someone I hardly know and who thinks that we might have a chance. Chance for future. Yup. That was what he said. Meant.

I scratched my head and shrugged at Lindsay. "He is making my life a hell of a lot complicated."

Lindsay pursed her lips and exhaled. "I think I can help you with that." She said in an eerie kind of way.

I frowned.

How could she help me?

"Trust me, I can."

She whispered to me and I nodded.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"So what was it you wanted to tell me?" I said while I gave a glass of water to Lindsay. She was clearly drunk. No doubt from all the party and dancing. I didn't even have to ask her. I just knew it.

I had known Lindsay for a while now. Correction, well it's been years. So I knew her from the back of my hand. It was as easy to read her as reading a novel. We were kind of the same. Cut from the same cloth. And maybe our views were same too. Until now. I guess.

I just, I didn't know, I felt as if I was a whole different person. And a whole lot complicated than before.

"I met Kyle." Lindsay bombast her reply from out of the sky.

I gaped at her in surprise.

"When?"

She made a when-do-you-think look.

"At the party?"

"Not really." she muttered in a weird way. "I met him outside the party."

Oh.

"He wasn't at the party." She replied instantly to stop me from thinking something else. "He actually gave me a lift to your house."

Lift? Met outside the party?

Ok. I was confused. They didn't even know each other.

"Ok, ok. Wait. Fill me in here. I can't understand. You two don't even know each other." how was that possible?

"I know." Lindsay paused and exhaled. "I was coming out of the party, wasted." Huh, no surprise! "And I was too drunk to drive my car so I decided to walk."

"Ok. What next?"

Lindsay fixed herself by sitting cross legged and then started talking as if she was telling a story.

"Ok, so then after like walking a block, I stopped to take a five. Naturally the heels were killing me." Lindsay rolled her eyes at the thought and I smiled. "And I guess that's when I heard a kind of old lady calling his name when he was getting out their house."

What? Old lady? Getting out of the house?

I didn't like the way it was heading!

"Don't worry. It wasn't like that. If it was I would have forbid you to stop seeing him." She smirked and I rolled my eyes. Seriously! "Anyways I realized that he was your Kyle."

My?

"He is not my Kyle or anything. He is just Kyle." I muttered justifying.

Lindsay made a 'Whatever' kind of face. "Then? And by the way just because you heard the name Kyle that doesn't mean that he was my," I stopped. Lindsay smirked.

Crap. She was good. She almost made me say it.

"I mean that it was the _Kyle_ I know. You couldn't be sure of it."

Her face was wearing a glorious smile that was almost too painful for my eyes. "I just knew." She paused and winked.

Hmm. Maybe they should date. Since she got a nice connection with him. And since she knew that it was him. Yeah, I should give her this amazing idea.

I snorted softly.

"Anyways more to the point I knew it was him because I heard the women saying that she was grateful that he came to see her eight year old daughter in the middle of the night. So I took a guess."

Hmm. made sense.

"I mean how many Kyle, who is a psychologist, am I going to bump into?" she flicked her hair as she said it.

"So that's it? You just went up to him and asked that if he knew any girl name Anita?" I frowned.

"No, stupid! I just went up to him when he was about to get in his car and introduced to him as your friend." She smiled innocently.

I opened my mouth in horror. Oh. My. God. Could someone please kill me? could she be anymore insensitive than she was now? I mean who does a thing like that? Not normal people for sure.

"Are you crazy? Who does that? I mean, he could have been someone else. Or he could have thought you as some moronic idiot. All the same you are crazy." I just said it in once. Everything out of my stomach. Oh, that felt so good!

She started playing with her hair and the after a while looked at me nonchalantly. "So, you done? Or you need to vomit more?"

I scowled at her. "You could have made it worse than it is now." Didn't she get it? I didn't want anymore trouble.

"But I didn't. So can we move past that?" she paused. I nodded. "So then he knew I was drunk and all and asked to give me a lift. Honestly he could be a real pain in the ass. He just wouldn't take no for an answer." Yup, that's Kyle. "All your fault."

"How so?"

She shrugged. "Duh. You are dating him. So I guess it was his duty or something to help his girlfriend's best friend." She looked irritated by him. Well, I was enjoying it. Very few could actually succeed in annoying her. "I guess he was too good to be true." She whispered to herself. Probably didn't mean it for me to hear.

"Meaning?" I asked, curious.

She shrugged while looking down at the sheets on which she was sitting. "He," she paused. "He seemed a little too good. Normally than the ones I met. You know."

I smiled. "I know." That's what I felt when I first met him on the airport. He just had that charm, you know. But I guess most importantly, he knows exactly what to say when and how to let things fold. He's great in that. Probably because he always had to give advice to patients.

"He never asked me once about you or anything related to you. It was like me, with all the questions. He just had this smile on his face whenever I say anything to him. It was kind of weird for me at first." I grinned while I shook my head. "So anyways I think you shouldn't be worried about anything. About him. Because no matter how this fold out, the one thing I know for sure, is that he will never, ever, disrespect you. Or hurt you in any way."

I swallowed. Her voice clearly audible. But too loud for some reason to me. I believed every word she said. Everything. But it's heard to ponder over it knowing that things always exactly fold the way you want. So, I, I couldn't even dwell on the thought. Because it's hard for, for people like me to really accept that something good could come out of something.

I shook my head as I climbed out of the bed. I peeked out of the window and it was dark outside. Except for the street lights, of course. It was so quiet. Too quiet.

"No matter how many guarantees I can get, I will still be worried. Scared." I turned to face her. "I am just like this." I shrugged.

"I know." She whispered. "I get it."

I shook my head. "No, you don't. Not at least the way I do."

Lindsay's face fell. I guess she couldn't find some argumentative thing to say. And it's ok. It's ok.

"Well," I said and ran my hands through my hair. "Enough with the heavy. Go to sleep. You must be tired. I'll see you in the morning."

Lindsay smiled and I switched off the light. That's when, "By the way, why did you decide to come to my house instead of yours? And what's with all the missed calls?"

Lindsay stopped making her bed and shrugged. "I just wanted to disturb you."

Of course she wanted to. I rolled my eyes while she smirked. "Just go to bed already." I muttered stubbornly.

"Ok, mother!"

I found her calling after me. Ugh!

I woke up with a jolt.

My breathing suddenly heavy and low. I blinked open my eyes and the first thing I saw was the moving white curtains because of the wind. I cracked my neck as I sit astride. It was 10 o'clock. Shit. I was late for office.

I jumped out of bed and then went to the bathroom. I must have missed the alarm. I quickly took a shower and then came out and wrapped myself with a big towel, while hunting for a dress. Why didn't Lindsay wake me up?

I shook my head as I went through my closet. I really had to do something about this dresses. There was just too many. I tried to find the black short dress. But I couldn't. I flipped all the dresses. In a hurry. But I couldn't find it. So I went with the blue halter dress. I slide it on and then started brushing my hair. Found the shoe, putting it on I head downstairs. Took an apple from the kitchen and then head out.

Ed was waiting for me. Hmm. I always wondered how could he do that? Knew exactly when to wait for me?

But most importantly, why didn't he even called or I didn't know to ring the bell? He knew when I go to office. He should at least have waked me up or something.

"Hey, Ed. I am late. Whisk me away." I muttered hurriedly as I opened the door before he could. I didn't have time for that.

"Ok, then." He said and then went to his side and climbed in.

Starting the engine, we drove out from the driveway and then to the main road. I assembled my hair with my hand. It was still a little frizzy. God, save my hair!

I rolled my eyes at the thought and then I remembered.

"Hey, Ed. Why didn't you come to my house knowing that I usually go to office at 10?"

"Lindsay asked me not to." Oh. That should surprise me but it didn't. But the real question was: "Why did she ask you not to?" I asked Ed. Suspicion arising.

He shrugged. "I don't know."

I looked at him through the mirror, shrewdly. Analyzing. He didn't look like he was lying. So, I guess, he was oblivious to Lindsay's plans too. "Last I check you only listened to what I ask of you." My voice was stern.

"Lindsay came late last night to your house. And I know how she is. So I gathered you would be tired after all that talk she came in with. I didn't wake you up because of that. Not because of Lindsay's request." He paused. "But, if I did something wrong, I apologize for that. I truly would never do anything to make you doubt about me." oh, Ed!

He looked hurt. Oh, I shouldn't have been so, so damn cruel about it. Ugh, I hate me!

"Ed, I,"

"I know." He said before I could say anything. And I knew there was nothing more I could say. It was like, if Ed said that he understood it then that's it. You don't just elaborate and explain it all over again. He said he understood and that's it. No more talking about it.

I nodded at his reply and turned my head to look outside that's when I realized we have already reached my office. The car stopped. Opening the door, I climbed out and Ed called behind me. I went towards the car, and he rolled down the window glass.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know what is going on in your life but don't pretend to be someone you are not."

What? I frowned as I realized what he said. Why would I pretend something else?

"Why are you saying this? And when did I pretend?" I couldn't hide the surprise.

"You always have." He paused as his eyes were telling me something profound. Something that's more of a riddle. "You are just finding yourself back." my brow deepened. What was he talking about?

"What are you saying?" my head was, was whirling.

"I thought you were late for office?" he raised his eyebrows and then looked front. "I'll pick you up after work." He said and I rolled up the window. And then he was gone. He was damn gone! He left me hanging. He just left me with all these questions. Why would he do that?

"You are late!" Lindsay was already at my office. I closed my door and head to my chair while keeping my belongings. Not looking once at her.

"All thanks to you."

"Oh, not me so grumpy." She muttered loosely.

"Grumpy? Me? You are the one who is getting crazy on me." I stared wide eyed. "First you show up at my house with a key I gave you long time ago and you didn't even bothered to return it to me. Second, you just said the outrageous thing you did last night. Third, you manipulated Ed." I paused as I breathed. "Ed? Really?" I muttered again.

She shrugged. "Oh, don't shrug!"

Lindsay folded her hands and leaned her face. "I accept all the above blames. That's totally me. But," her voice suddenly reached a different level. Enthusiastic level. With a hint of suspense.

"But what?" I frowned.

"But I have a surprise for you." She said as she showed her perfect white teeth.

Surprise? "What surprise?" _Oh, I smell something fishy!_

She holds out her fingers indicating one minute as she searched through her purse. I tried to peek in but I couldn't see a damn thing because of the desk.

"Here." she holds out a white envelope.

I blinked twice as I tried to guess what it might. "Come on, take it. There's no bomb." She smirked.

_Oh, I wouldn't bet on that! _

I hesitantly took the envelope and hold it in my palm. "Oh, go on. Open it."

"Its not yet Christmas, you know." I muttered.

She beamed at me. "Well, take it as I token of my everlasting friendship towards you."

I tried to suppress my smile and looked down t the envelope. Well, what the heck. I tore open the white envelope and found, "Plane tickets?" What? I didn't understand.

"_The _Plane ticket." Ok, I gave up. She was beyond any help.

"So what am I gonna do with this? I mean of course I cant leave everything and go to a holiday!" That would be absurd!

"Well, we are."

We?

Huh?

"Ok, listen to me Lindsay. No one is going anywhere." I tried to make some sense into her. I mean this idea, it was, it didn't make any sense. _She_ didn't make any sense. "We are not going anywhere." I shook my head while running my hands through it. "And where the hell did you get this idea from? Its ridiculous. We have to work. We can't just take a vacation like that. You know that."

"I know. But, but think like this. It would be a great way to actually forget everything and just, just be happy." Oh, Lindsay!

"It's not that simple. Planning a get away trip doesn't solve anything." I paused. She didn't look convinced. So I tried the alternative. "And plus it's for a whole week." That should be a good enough argument. "We can't leave everything for a week. You know that."

"Ok, enough!" she yelled, raising her hands in the air. "Just stop talking. Just stop. Stop with all your pessimistic opinions and lectures. Just stop it."

Whoa, she looked angry enough.

"Ok, I am sorry. I, I didn't mean to sound like that. I just think that maybe we should go some other time." I tried to placate her. If only it would work.

She shook her head hopelessly. Rising up from her seat, she took one of the tickets and looked down at it, thinking. Wondering.

"I just wish you weren't the way you are. I really wish that."

I inhaled at her words. It was like she stabbed me hard. At the right place. I couldn't believe it. She actually said that. Why was she like this? It didn't make sense. Just for a vacation all this had to happen? I mean right now I didn't believe that all this was because of just for me to go to the vacation. No, it wasn't. There was something else. But what?

"I know you didn't mean it. So I am not going to waste my time thinking about why you said it. I wont." Because thinking about that would make something inside of me awakened. And I didn't want that. The more I would try to go deep inside of me, the more I would not like myself. Because that me, that was inside of me, would be a far greater weakness than I was now. And I couldn't let that happen.

"Think whatever you want. I have to get back to work." She turned on her heels and walked up to the door. And she stopped. "By the way," she turned towards me. "The reason I planned this because Kyle was also going. If you remember. He asked you to come with him. But you never replied. So I guess after all he never deserved you." She paused. Looking ashen. "You were right. I can see that." She said and then she was gone.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

My hands were on my head, completely deranged and confused. I just found out that I was a complete idiot. I forgot about Kyle. About his trip. How could this happen? I mean I could I even, even forget to call him and say 'Hey Kyle, I am sorry. But I can't come with you.' How could I be so stupid?

I shook my head in frustration. I looked outside the window and it was already twilight. I just couldn't believe how a day could do so much. I mean it seemed like eternity when I was mad at Lindsay in the morning. It felt so weird. As if things were normal during the day but at night its true ugly nature reveals. I guess that's what was happening now!

I started toying with the plane tickets. Actually its ticket. Not tickets. My bad. Lindsay took hers and left mine.

I saw the time while flipping through it and I realized that there was more or less four hours left.

And the flight was to Juneau.

I exhaled wearily.

I rose up from my seat and moved around the office, pacing from one corner to another. I just, I couldn't think of anything. I was numb. I was confused. I never felt so helpless and annoyed both at the same time. I pursed my lips for some unknown reason and went straight to the cabin beside my office to talk to Ashley.

When I reached I saw she was already gathering her stuff as she faced her back.

"Hey, Ashley." My voice was low and too gloomy.

She jolted in surprise and turned to face me. "Uh, ma'am, um…" that was all she could say at that moment. You see I never understood why she was so afraid or scared of me. I mean I had seen myself in the mirror and I was so not a hard core, totally appropriate looking owner for this company. I barely looked as if I could handle an ice cream making machine. So, yes I was really curious as to what made her so afraid of me.

So I stopped my reverie for a moment and asked her what I needed to know.

"Where's Lindsay?" I sounded kind of urgent. I guess because part of me knew the answer to that.

Ashley looked as if I was an idiot and I asked an idiotic question. "Uh, ma'am, she, left. A few hours ago. She is going to Juneau for this week."

I nodded slowly. _So she is really gone_. I knew it but I just had to be sure. I kept staring at the wall opposite me, deep in thought and probably looking like a dork to Ashley.

"So, um, I think I should go now." Ashley announced.

"Huh? Oh, right. Sure." I muttered, still distracted.

"Ok, then." She nodded a tight smile around her face. "See you, tomorrow." She said and made her way for the elevator.

In normal occasions, the distance between the elevator and the room would seem merely a few second tops but now it just seemed way longer than that. It seemed long enough to think, to just think about things and process it and know what to do next. I know I was sounding like a lunatic and trust me when I say this I was feeling like one, but I couldn't help but…but to just think everything through in this, I didn't know, few seconds. I just felt this rush. That I couldn't just explain.

"Hey, Ashley!" I called after her. Her footsteps stopped immediately and she turned to face me.

"Yes?"

I knew what to say. The question was, whether I was doing the right thing or not?

"Shit!" I muttered to myself as I hurried my way through the crowd. I looked at my watch. "Damn it!" I was so screwed. I started to feel the panic. The adrenaline rushing through my veins and giving me that extra boost that I was so in need of.

"Excuse me. Excuse. Me." Wasn't this the hardest crowd I ever had to tackle! I tried to make my way without hurting much people. But it was difficult. I was in my high heels. How stupid of me!

I was now in a frantic state. I looked here and there as I desperately search for them in the airport. I knew that I would find them but I just had this feeling, this…this paranoia that if I didn't then I don't know I would, the world would probably end or something.

I looked at the clock again. I was late. The final announcement came for the departure to Juneau. I shook my head in regret. I should have seen this coming. They probably cancelled or something.

Or maybe they already board the plane.

Whatever was it, I knew for the fact that I lost them. For a week, I guess.

I looked down at my phone, my hands literally shaking. I scrolled down Lindsay's number and called her. Maybe this time she would pick it up.

"The number you are trying to reach is currently switched off, please," I hung up.

Her phone was switched off.

I bit my lip in anxiety. My head was swirling around. I couldn't think what to do next. I, I couldn't. I shifted my gaze form the exit door to the entrance to the flight.

"No." I wont give up. I would just believe my intuition that they were on that flight. And I would board it.

Yes. I would.

I took a deep breath and the race to reach the entrance begins. Time was moving and there was no time to think anymore. I ran.

I just started running. Well, it was a bit to much dramatic but I didn't care. All I was focused on was to get on that flight. And I….

"Wait!" I shouted, panting. The woman in white and blue dress was smiling back at me when she saw me. "Am I late? Please don't tell me I am late." I begged before she could even say anything.

"Ma'am you are just in time." She held out her hand for the ticket and I gave it to her. She must be in her mid twenties.

"Right this way, ma'am." She gestured me inside.

I gave her my most appreciating smile and I felt, light. "Thank you." I said as I made my way with my luggage. Luggage would be indefinitely a big word for it. And because this wasn't the normal occasion when I had time to pack, I took whatever clothes I got first hand.

As usual I had a first class ticket. Lindsay never really did liked going in the economic class. So I wasn't surprise that she made this last minute trip plan with two first class tickets on her hand.

The flight attendant showed me the way to the first class compartment. My heart started to beat faster. Oh, I was going to throw up! I closed my eyes.

"This way, ma'am." She informed.

"Ye-yes." I stuttered.

I went through the economic class and stood at the entrance of the first class.

"Oh, no!" I whispered to myself. "Just breathe." I closed my eyes again and opened it, forcing a lot of strength I could gather in this short span.

I removed the curtain to the side and stepped inside.

Everyone was still not settled. Some of them who were late, just like me, were keeping there belongings on the upper cabinet and I looked for any sign of Lindsay. Most of them were seated and all I could see were the faces of the people in the first row. And I didn't recognize any of them. Panic overcame again and I started to fidget awkwardly. I stood immobilized and I just couldn't move. Not even an inch.

"Excuse me, ma'am, are you finding difficult to find your seat?" the flight attendant asked in her sweetest tone. I turned to face her and she looked at me as if it was my first time in plane or maybe she simply thought I was a fool. Anyways, it didn't matter much because I found my very high self esteemed inner self resurfacing and well, it didn't took me much time to shoo her.

When she scrambled away, I made my way to my seat which was in the second row so I didn't have to make much effort to find it. I took my bag and ducked it on the upper cabinet and sat suspiciously. Where were they?

I glanced around the seats beside my row and it was already filled. Two guys drinking there water, all in suits. I stared at the seat beside me and it was empty. But then I looked closer. There was an empty glass at the handle of the seat beside me. Someone was seating beside me. But where was this person?

I looked back and stared at the entrance behind that leads to yet another compartment, full of people. I waited anxiously to see who this person was. I waited. Oh, this was taking so much time.

There was this small noise, barely audible came from the bathroom doors. I quickly turned back. My hopes were at its peak. I kept staring like a hawk. Like a crazy psycho person. Like a girl who thinks that she lost her friend more then anything.

I kept staring until disappointment crashes in. The guy with a tummy, the size of china, passed by me, all drowsy and drunk. He sat on the first row seat and there was this squeaky sound as he sat. I temporarily wondered how much curbs that guy must be eating everyday to gain such a weight!

But then I had my hands on my head as I couldn't believe that this was happening. I just board a plane that would be going to Juneau and I had no idea what to do next with no one by my side. I exhaled.

I felt a slight pressure change beside me. Probably someone sat beside me. But I didn't look. I was too busy drowning in my remorse. And guilt.

"So you finally came." That familiar voice crept up in my spine and almost had me a heart attack.

My breathing got irregular. I couldn't turn. I couldn't talk. I was a statue. And I could do was breathe heavily as if I was having some kind of respiratory failure.

"Attention, passengers, please put your seat belts on, we are about to take off." The girly flight attendant voice said through the microphone.

I bit my lip as I tried to urge the force out of me and use it all to try to face him.

"So are going to talk to me?" I insisted as Kyle sat without so much of a look. "Please?" I begged.

He flipped through his file as I looked helplessly at him.

"Ok, fine. Don't talk to me. But can you at least tell me if Lindsay came or not?" I asked. Still impassive and not even looking. I mean, what was he doing? How hard _could _he make it? I get the whole not even informing or calling me back or anything but he couldn't let this go on for forever. "Is she here?" I asked again.

Kyle closed his file and then watched me shrewdly. "She's at the economic class. Back there." He indicated at the back.

I frowned. This was so not Kyle. He sounded so cold. And aloof. What was wrong? Was he really that upset with me?

I nodded and resumed back to his staring expressionlessly at the file. Well, I couldn't wait for him to lighten his mood. First and foremost I needed to talk to Lindsay. And then I would deal with Mr. Deadpan later.

"Ok." I muttered and got up from my seat. We were now already in the air and we could walk around. I wasted enough time already by talking to Mr. No-Talking-At-All. He wouldn't. I should've known it. He was upset and probably hurt. He wouldn't, in no way, would have talked with me.

I made my way through the back entrance to the economic class. I tried to find her as my gaze shift from left to right. And then it stopped.

It only took me seconds to figure out that she was so not happy to see me. She saw me standing and her eyes shifted from fun to, to….something else. I looked more closely.

"Missy." The name was out of my mouth. And I was dumbstruck.

"Anne!" she looked at me, equally shocked and excited. She jumped up from her seat and came running towards me. Her forceful hug almost threw me out of place but I sustained. "Anne. Oh. My. God. You re really here."

I was speechless again. This was happening to me today frequently. She released me as I couldn't believe my eyes. "What? I mean, what the hell?" what else was I supposed to say? "What are doing here?"

She was actually here.

She flaunted her golden brown hair as she gave me a crooked smile. "Lindsay fixed me up. Said that it was kind of a get together. but then she informed me at the airport that you are not coming. I mean I seriously thought that you wont." She said in her melodic voice. "But you came." She jerked me by my shoulder in excitement.

"Yes. I am here." I said and glance over Lindsay. She was still staring, emotionless.

Missy grinned broadly.

"Excuse me, ma'am," another flight attendant interrupted us. "But you need to get back to your seats."

I hated her!

I smiled tightly at the flight attendant and Missy nodded. She went back to her seat, beside Lindsay while Lindsay still had this gloomy yet disgusted face. I frowned at her reaction.

I turned on my heels and went back to the first class. When I marched towards my, I meant our seat, I saw this very tall, somewhat same height of Kyle's, was hovering over him. The guy was young. He had sandy brown hair and he was quite masculine.

I quietly tip toed my way towards them, wondering what to do. They were engaged in their talk and didn't notice me at first. It was when I cleared my throat that they even bothered to see me. How rude!

"Oh, yeah." The guy with a huge smug said when he saw me. I partially wondered whether they were talking about me and making fun of me or not. The guy muttered something else too but I couldn't hear it.

"Hi." I muttered in a rather unwelcoming tone. And frowned at Kyle. Naturally, he ignored me.

"Hey, there." The guy wore a huge smile as he greeted me. "You don't know me but I am Kyle's friend." He held out his hand and I shook it. And for some reason, I found it amusing. "David."

I nodded politely. "Anita."

He tilted his head, probably examining me. I felt so exposed. It was innerving, frankly speaking.

I breathed heavily, my whole body tightening at his gaze. His steady, fixed gaze. I instantly tore away my gaze.

"Well, I heard a lot about you Anita from this guy over here." David smirked and looked over at his friend with a mysterious agenda or something. Kyle repeatedly ignored him as he shook his head.

"Don't listen to him. He is borderline insane."

"Friend, if I am borderline insane then you are too." David muttered sardonically.

I frowned.

"Whatever." Kyle said and resumed his non-moving gesture at the file.

David grinned ear to ear and winked at me.

Weird.

He went back to his seat which was on the first row on our side. And I was not talking of the side where guy-whose-tummy-is-big was seating. I looked from my left to right and I felt as if I was really here alone. That no one was with me. Even though there were so many them I knew. I sat on my seat beside Kyle as he didn't make any move to just look at me for once. I kept staring at him for a while, in a totally non stalking way. He didn't look.

I gave up. I faced my attention at the window. Most of our journey seemed like me staring out the window. No talking. Boring all the way. And exasperating.

I got disrupted midway of my sleep. I glanced outside and it was dark. An 18hour flight was pretty tiring for me. When I peeked up at Kyle, he was raiding a book. "Why aren't you asleep?" I asked him, as I covered my mouth when I was yawning.

"Because I am not feeling like to sleep." He said without even looking at me for once.

"Kyle, I,"

"Don't. Go to sleep." He stopped me before I could even say something.

I leaned on the pillow by my side and looked outside into the dark. It was the only thing that was actually paying attention to me.

After we landed, I suddenly felt the dizziness in my head. Though I wasn't melodramatic or spotty about it. I kept it to myself as we all get ready to take our luggage. It was then we I finally got to know who came with whom.

There was me, Kyle, Lindsay, Missy, David and Jennifer along with her boyfriend Liam. Wow.

Jennifer was Kyle's sister. And she never once looked at me so I guess Kyle never mentioned me. Great.

"Ok, guys, take your things now. We need to head to the hotel." Kyle took the charge for being the responsible. And it kind of suited him.

Everyone did as they were told. I glanced over Lindsay who seemed to avoid me at all cost and stood as far away humanly possible. She took her things and started walking ahead. Along with Kyle.

I flinched for a moment there. That wasn't the sight I was expecting. So now they were buddies? And decided to suffer me with their, this little pact? Was that their plan?

I shook my head slowly as I seemed to be the one who was still standing in the middle of the airport while everyone was moving forward. "What's up? Frozen or something?" David interrupted me.

"Huh? N-no."

"Come on, then." He gestured to the outside; I nodded as we walked out of there.

The taxis took us to our destination point as we stopped in front of the hotel. Three taxis stopped. In one, it was Jennifer and her boyfriend. I hardly got to talk with her though. But I needed to. I didn't have any reason whatsoever but I just did.

The second one was from which Kyle and Lindsay got out.

How obvious.

The third one was ours. David, Missy and I were on it. David was bored the whole time as Missy was talking about her and what she did. How much she liked India. Missy always wanted to go there. Mostly because I told her about my childhood when I spent there. She was fascinated by it. So decided that someday she would go too. And finally she did. She was a photographer so travelling was part of her job description.

"I cant believe how beautiful it was. It was so different form New York yet so special."

"Yeah?" I smiled.

"Totally." I was glad that someone was actually happy. For a change.

We got outside as we took our things and head towards the big glass doors.

"Your friend talks too much." David sighed.

I laughed softly. "Occasionally." He grinned.

When I looked up, the sky was clear. It was around 7 in the morning and I could actually taste the fresh air in my mouth. And crispiness that surrounds the atmosphere in the early morning was something beyond imaginable.

Lindsay was way ahead of me. Kyle, as usual not so far away from me, yet still avoiding me. I sighed. Taking the room keys from the cute guy behind the desk, Kyle handed us each our rooms. My brow creased as I wondered about the possibility that everything was so well organized. From the plane tickets to the hotel and the rooms and everything.

And supposedly this trip was to relax and, well get away from all the worries and tensions back home. But now, it seemed like I just brought all that bad temper and tensions and gloomy atmosphere. I, I just wished that it was not me who was responsible for all this.

"Here." Kyle handed me my room key.

"Thanks." I whispered, barely able to see him in the eyes.

He walked past me and handed others their keys as everyone was cheerful and made their way to the elevators.

"Lindsay, hey." I tried to stop her by her elbow. Everyone was already ahead of us. But thankful Lindsay stopped. She gazed at me with an impassive expression, but later frowned.

"What?" it was like as if she didn't understand why I stopped her.

I shrugged. "Well, what happened? Why are you not talking to me?" I asked. Even though I knew the answer to that.

She made a disgusted face. "You seriously going to pretend as if you don't know why I am not talking to you?" her voice was getting a little louder. I glanced around for a second but no one was looking.

"Ok, ok. My bad. I shouldn't have asked that question." I breathed frantically. I tried to calm myself as blood was rushing through my veins faster than I could handle. I felt that spike inside of me rising. "So when are you going to talk to me?" I gave a kid-ish smile.

Lindsay didn't return the smile. I took a deep breath and we were in a paused mode and all we could do was stare at each other.

"I don't know. I have o go now. I am tired." She announced. "I'll see you tomorrow." She muttered softly and departed.

I waited till I saw her disappeared as the elevator door closed. I was now fifty percent sure that I would get my friend back. The problem was…

I impeded my thought. I was tired. I needed to get into my room and just sleep on it. The reason I came here was to make things right. Not only with Lindsay but with everyone.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I blinked as the light blinded me momentarily. Someone was banging the door. "Oh. Too loud." I covered my head with one of the pillows.

"Get up, sleepyhead. We are going to be late." Missy banged more harshly. "GET UP."

"Just go away!" I shouted as I tried to blank myself from the outer world.

"Are you waking up? Or do you want me to drag your ass out here?"

As if that would be possible

I got out of bed and opened the door where I saw Missy had her hand on her hip in an I-had-enough-of-you-already way. I glanced at her while she narrowed her eyes at me.

"So, what's up?" I tried to start the conversation normally. She seemed too irritated, as already. Didn't want to wake up the devil.

"Nothing much." She sounded unpleased. "Just banging your door for the last," she glanced at her watch and then gave me a skeptic glance. "…ten minutes. Constantly." Ooh, someone's angry.

"I am really angry at you." She said as a matter of fact.

I opened my mouth, surprised, as I realized that she just said my inner thoughts. "Hey, I just thought that." I muttered rather cheerfully.

But Missy didn't look cheerful at all. I stopped talking immediately. "So why were you banging my door for the last ten minutes?" I tried to change the subject.

She shook her head as if she had given up on something. "So anyways," And happy Missy was back. "I had organized this Lets-take-a-tour-around-the-place trip for everyone since I came here already before for three times." She seemed proud of that. I tried to suppress my smile. "So I will be the guide for everyone and the wagon leaves in about half an hour." Uh, what? "So, chop-chop. You don't wanna be left behind." She gave me a wink and then waltz her way to the elevator. "And by the way," she stopped and faced me. "Do something for those baggies under your eyes." She gave me a sympathetic look and then she was gone.

I frowned. Baggies? What? No way.

I touched the flesh under my eye and decided to not listen to Missy. She was crazy. And I won't get fooled by that so easily. I had that reassurance in me again and went back inside to get ready.

I stood motionless beside Missy on the hotel lobby while we waited for others. It seemed that I was the only one who came in time despite the fact that I was the one who woke up late.

"Where the hell are they?" Missy was now on the verge of explosion. Anymore and I guaranteed that she would explode and this whole, what did she say, uh, yes, 'Lets-take-a-tour-around-the-place' trip would be for nothing.

"Here they come." I announced when I saw the elevator door opened and the first face was Lindsay's.

"At last." Missy looked relieved. "Guys, where were you?" she paced a little towards hem and was all gestures.

"Sorry. We were just going up and down the stairs, taking a tour of the hotel." Jennifer said with an apologetic tone.

I smiled a little secreted. Jennifer was definitely one of those 'Daddy's little girl' type. I mean, from the way she talked to how she behaved indicated that she was spoiled. But it was a good spoiled not the 'I am the daughter of the richest man' kinda way.

Liam, on the other hand, was all about snuggling. I literally felt repulsion when Liam was snuggling and kissing Jennifer. Oh, come on! Get a room.

"Hey sorry, I am late." Lindsay came running down the stairs. I gaze straightaway shifted towards her. She took a peek at me, barely for a second and then resumed looking at Missy.

"Hey." I whispered to her. She just nodded.

I sighed.

"Great, you are here too. Who else is left?" Missy was totally exasperated. And tired too. I just couldn't control my smile.

"Uh, Kyle and David." I muttered.

"Right." Missy was so confused.

"Actually," I found Lindsay speaking. "Kyle went early for a meeting."

What?

Missy seemed lost.

"I mean it's obvious, he came here for work. For us, it's a vacation." Lindsay muttered.

And of course Lindsay knew about it. Well, I did too. But, yeah. Whatever. It seemed that Lindsay and Kyle were now BFFs.

"Oh, yes." Jennifer suddenly remembered. "Bro, told me. Sorry. I forgot to mention." She said to Missy.

Missy closed her eyes in, well, excruciating agony, for not being able to control the situation. She had always been one of those leader types. And a perfectionist also. In everything.

"Hey, I am here. I am here." David was finally here. All sweating and panting. Did he go to a walk or something? I partially wondered.

Missy had her customary pose on. Her both hands on her hips, all bossy. "Where the hell were you?"

David shrugged. "I was just taking a shower."

"Now? At 11 o'clock?" he was so dead.

"Yes. I was out. I went out early."

"Ugh. Fine. Ok, I am fine. Breathe." I was so laughing. Internally. Missy was fully exhausted with all of us and all our stunts.

David looked weirdly at Missy, who had her eyes closed, wondering what was she doing. We all tried to suppress our laughter but it was hard.

Finally, she opened her eyes and looked all fresh and ready to boss again. "Ok, let's go." She said and was out of the glass doors in a blink.

David had this smug on his face as we all followed Missy out. It took me the half of the ride on a white Mercedes-Benz GL to realize that Kyle was not here. It was as if he was trying to avoid me or something. As if he could just vanish away from my minds easily.

But then as I thought more I comprehend the fact that he was actually getting successful at it. He was fading away. I looked desperately hopeless out of the window as everyone in the back row were enjoying and teasing and talking.

Lindsay not so much. She was like me, all quiet and antsy.

I was in the passenger seat beside David, who was driving. He was unusually quiet too. From the little time that I had known him, he never did seem to me as the quiet one. But judging from the look he was having, I assumed that he was just a cautioned driver.

"So, who's SUV is this?" I found myself bored terribly and tried to fish for some small talks.

"Whose do you think?" he smirked.

Ugh! How silly of me. Of course I shouldn't be asking this type of questions when I knew the answer of them.

"Kyle's." I muttered to myself. But David nodded too.

I tried to think for a while. Trying to remember what model was this. Then I remembered. It was a second generation of GL class. I sighed.

"What's up?" David inquired when he saw my boredom.

"Nothing." I informed.

I never really liked SUV's for some reason. Particularly because its so spacious. I mean, who did I need it for? I was the only one. No one lived with me so what's the use?

I bit my lip at the thought and saw at the same time through the rear view mirror when Lindsay did. For a moment there, I thought that she could actually apprehend what was going on in my mind but then she tore her face away from me.

I shook my head in utter failure as it was crawling up to me, while I resumed my monotonous staring out the window. It was the only thing that helped me to forget everything. For a while.

I felt the harsh gushing cold wind splashing on my face. I flinched. I rubbed my hands vigorously, trying to produce some heat. It was freezing.

"Hey!" missy slowed down as I tried to keep up with others while we were walking in this thick ice.

We were at the Juneau Icefield. We came here by the helicopter. And wasn't this place beautiful? It just took my breath away. All there was snow and snow. All the place. It was also the source of the Mendelhall Glacier and the Taku Glacier. How did I know this? Courtesy to Missy Donohue.

"Yup. Just," it was getting so cold out here. "Its just a little cold." I whispered. Words barely came out of my mouth.

"Really?" she said as if it's unbelievable. "Uh, ok. We will be heading to the helicopter now. Then after that if you want, you can go back to the hotel." I nodded slowly. My hands all shaking and trembling close to my body.

Missy went back to her clicking photos. Even though she came here before, she liked to 'preserve memories' as she said before. It was kind of what she did. She tried to capture every little detail she could see. That's who she was. And I liked that about her. It really had that positive effect on her that also makes others think positive too. Especially me, I guess.

"Thanks." I muttered to Missy as I got out of the SUV. Lindsay as usual was the brooding one. She seemed so different. So quiet. I wasn't really feeling anymore numb but I still wanted to return back.

I waved at the others. Jennifer flashed a huge smile at me even though I hardly got to talk to her. She was either too busy to text or whatever she was doing with her or she started making out with her boyfriend. It kind of bothered me. I wondered though whether she was like this in front of her brother too. But I knew that she wasn't. It was just when he was not around. Which was pretty much all the time. I knew for sure that he was avoiding. And he was getting successful in that.

The SUV passed by me and I kept standing in front of the hotel. I was left with the decision whether to get back to my room and choose to spend the whole day sleeping. Or whether I should go out, on my own, to have some alone time but also getting to know the place with lots of people walking passed me.

I chose option two. Yes. It was the right choice. I hid my hands on my coat's pocket and started walking.

I walked and walked. I saw things. I didn't know if it was me being weird or something else but I always felt this, this different connection with the world. It was like I could actually see beyond things. And by that, I wasn't indicting supernatural stuff. No.

I just always felt as if I could actually find this completely different world if I look closer. I guess, it was my way of adjusting things. Coping. I shook my head and a small smile spread on my face as the thought processed in my mind.

I glanced around me and there were so many new faces that I was seeing. Each one having a different thought. Different life. Different ideas. But unknown to them, they all wanted one thing and one thing only. Peace. Peace of mind. Sane conscious. And a better life. We often deny the fact that we are miserable. Or sad. Or hurt. Because we had that strength inside of us that tells us to keep going. And we do. But eventually who gets the perfect life?

That was the question that I asked myself everyday for six years. And I still did.

I took a left turn. I found myself in front of the Juneau Museum. I glance around me and there were not very many people. For some unknown reason, I felt the need to leave. My head was shifting from left to right, sensing something. All my senses told me to leave. And so I did.

I started walking fast. Very fast. I walked, looking down at the ground. I peeked through my eyes and sensed someone following me. I was getting crazy. I tried to calm myself. _It is just my paranoia_. I tried to make myself believe that fact. I waked faster when suddenly a farm hand grabbed me by my elbow.

"Hey, it's me." a familiar voice made me stopped abruptly. I jolted. My whole body literally shaking. Afraid. Panting. But then when I saw Kyle's face, relieved washed over me.

"Shit. It's you." He smirked at my petrified face.

"Who else did you think it was?" he raised his eyebrow at me. And for the first time since yesterday, I felt that the old him had came back.

"I don't know. A, serial killer could have been following me. You never know right?" I was still panting.

He tried to suppress his smile. "Serial killer?" he asked. I nodded. "I don't think so. Not in Juneau."

"You are not an expert. Things happen, ok? So being cautious doesn't harm." I muttered.

His smile broadened. "Right, of course." Ok, now he was laughing at me.

Awkwardness started spreading all around us. I stumbled to find words to continue our conversation. I guess, I was a little scared. Scared that if I say something then maybe he wouldn't like what I said.

"So, what are you doing here?" he asked before I could even think of something to say.

My smile dissolved in the air. I frowned. "I-I don't know." I spoke frankly. "I was just, walking." I shrugged.

He nodded slowly as if he could actually comprehend the fact of what I said. Because honestly I couldn't understand it a bit. Its just what I felt. Not what I understood.

"So, do you want to go back or stay here, and see whether you can actually bump into an actual serial killer or not? The choice is yours." He smirked and holds out his hand for me.

"Yes, well, I wont take any chances." I smiled and took his hand.

We walked by the Juneau Museum and I marveled at the thought that somehow I got here, total coincidence, and I met him. I just somehow bumped into him. I mean, what were the chances that it actually happened to you! This was beyond my imagination to even wrap my head around it.

"By the way," which reminded me. "What were you doing here?"

He looked ahead and a small mystical smile spread on his face. "I don't know." He muttered and I couldn't help but smile.

"Nice." I shook my head.

I went through my things as I tried to find my brown jacket that I thought I packed it in the suitcase. "Where the hell is it?" I couldn't find it. "That's just great." I muttered, frustrated.

There was a knock on the door.

Ok, who was that now?

I opened the door and found Lindsay standing, impassive. I gazed at her, speechless. What was she doing here? She was actually standing in front of me, without through me any killer gaze, or any of her brooding look. She was standing. I smiled like dim-witted fool.

"You okay?" she muttered in a what-the-hell-happen-to-her way.

"Uh, y-yeah. Totally." I said, composing my foolish look. I didn't want to frighten her or anything. She came here on her own to talk and it was a huge thing. For me. I couldn't just throw it away like that.

"So, can I come in? Or do you want to talk here? Because I am comfortable with anything."

I shook my head fast. "No, no. please do come in." I got out of her way, while she entered. She looked nervous.

_You are nervous too, remember? _

Right. I was. "So," what was I supposed to say in this?

"So," she repeated.

It was fully established that we both didn't know from where to start but we had to. I just didn't want to be the first to say anything because I didn't want her to run off or something. But I had no other alternative.

"So, how are you?" I asked solicitously. As a friend. As _her_ best friend.

She shrugged after a while. "If you would have asked me this in the morning then I would have said hurt." Her voice spoke the truth. I knew where this was going. But I wont stop her. I needed to know what she was feeling.

"And now?" I whispered.

She looked down at the ground below, her hands pinned behind her, wondering. Thinking. "Now, I would say that I miss my best friend." A smile instantly spread across my face. "So, I decided that from now on I wont interfere in your life."

I frowned. This was not where I thought it should be headed. "Your problems are yours. I don't have the right to jump and make it more complicated for you." What? She didn't make my life complicated.

"But-"

"And I am sorry that I tried to push you into coming here. It wasn't nice of me. You needed your space and I totally get that now." She stopped me.

"No. Linds. It's ok. You don't have to say sorry for anything."

"But I do." She took a few paces and stopped in front of the door. "Goodnight." She gave me a tight smile and then left. Just like that all that hope evaporated and all there was left was the glimpse of what I had hoped.

Wednesday. Thursday. Passed. Gone. Just like that. And so much happened in these two days. I kept tapping my finger on the tea table as I sat impatient. We were at the hotel restaurant, having our breakfast. I couldn't just fathom the fact that Lindsay did say all those stuff yesterday. It was hard to even believe it. Let alone digest it.

There were all tables for four. Lindsay was, surprisingly, sitting beside me. So were Kyle, and David. Very few sentences were being exchanged. It was too quiet for a Friday morning breakfast.

"Hey, Missy." I had no other choice than to start the conversation. Though Missy, Jennifer were in full blown talk mode.

Missy glanced. "Yeah?"

"Did you make any plan for today or are we staying inside?" I smirked.

She raised her eyebrows indicating that of course she had a plan.

"Right." I muttered. "Where are we going?"

Missy gave a quick smirk at Kyle who was as usual impassive and nothing to give away. I frowned as I stared at Kyle, hoping he would fill in the blanks.

"Kyle made a plan." Missy announced.

Jennifer literally threw up her juice in surprise. "What? Bro and planning?" she said, wiping her mouth. "This will be interesting." She smirked at her brother.

"I didn't make any plans." Kyle stood up for himself. "I just helped Missy with her plans. That's it." He muttered composedly. Not at all flustered. I found that a little fascinating. He shifted his head towards me and smiled. I grinned broadly, mostly because I was intrigued by this secret planning he was doing. Now I was so enthusiastic to know what it was. I couldn't wait.

"So what's this plan?" I leaned towards him, whispering so that no one hears us.

He leaned in too and whispered in my ears. "I can't tell you." And then went back to his original position all, mysterious smirk on his face. Great.

I shook my head in resign. Lindsay smiled too. For the first time! At our conversation.

"Ok." Missy muttered as she rose up from her chair. "Lindsay, David. Come with me. I need your help with something." she gave her orders and left. David rolled his eyes.

"I hate her." He mouthed at Kyle, who was equally fascinated by Missy's bossy behavior.

Lindsay wiped her face and then she too rose up. "Duty calls. See you later." She muttered o me, accompanying David as they left. Now it was just me, Kyle and his sister. I inwardly breathed heavily.

This was it. My time to actually ask anything I wanted to ask him there was no one. And plus there was his sister too! I could actually talk to her for the first time. I wanted to do that since Wednesday. I just couldn't find the right time.

"Hey guys, I'll be back in a moment. I need to check up on Liam. He wasn't felling well last night." She announced as she stood up.

"Ok." Kyle said. I nodded.

"So, I guess you are not mad at me anymore." I said when Jennifer left. _Nice way to start a conversation, idiot._ Where was I going with this?

He shifted from his chair and faced me. "I guess that was settled yesterday when I talked to you." He looked at me shrewdly. This was going to be hard.

I shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure."

He nodded slowly as he took his phone out and checked his text. "Hmm. work again." he said it in a disappointing tone.

And which reminded me, "Why are you really here? I mean naturally you are not here to see a patient. What work are you taking care of?" it was bugging me from the moment I heard he came here to take care of the work. He was a psychologist. He needn't need to travel or something to take care of his patient. They would come to him. Not the reverse.

He sighed. "It's actually for my dad's company. He is sick. So I had to come here to close the deal." He sounded not happy.

"Oh." Of course he would be sad. His dad was sick. Why didn't I know about this? I frowned. "Well, I hope he gets well soon."

"Yeah, me too. Because I would not like to close deals anymore." Angry Kyle! Not good.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Nothing." He muttered.

"But,"

"I have to go now." He stopped me, halting the whole conversation. It was damn right that he didn't want to talk about it. Something he was not telling me. He looked down at me as he was standing and gave me a reassuring smile. "Bye. I'll see you later." He turned on his heels and paced his way out of the doors.

I glanced at the doors, couldn't believing the fact that he just left without giving me an answer. I felt that deep stab of anger burning slowly inside of me. The only reason I came here was to make things right. But it wasn't going the way I wanted. In fact mysteries kept piling up. Lindsay, my best friend, proclaimed yesterday that from now on she won't interfere in my life. Kyle, my- uh, something, just ignored me when things got a little personal. And it wasn't even that personal. I just asked him why was he talking lie that. That's it. That shouldn't hurt, for god's sakes.

I covered my face with my hand, shaking my head. This was getting way out of control. I didn't even know what to do next. It was like shooting blind a target in the dark.

I heaved a sigh.

"Hey! Where's bro?" Jennifer was here. I scratched my forehead as I glanced at her weakly.

"Left. Just now. Apparently he couldn't stay." I said in a rather disappointed way.

"Oh." She whispered, moving forward; she sat beside my chair where Kyle was sitting. "You okay? You don't look so good."

"Yeah. Yup, I am good." I smiled stiffly. "I hope."

She frowned. "Why? What happened?" I could see the curiosity in her eyes. And I guess I understood why Kyle left. It felt a little odd when Jennifer asked me. Like she wanted to know some secret I was hiding. And to trust her with that was something unimaginable. I get that. Maybe that was what he felt.

"Uh, just, I am just, um, tired. Of everything."

She tilted her head sideways. "Well, you could always take a break." She smiled.

"Yeah. I know." I paused. "Let me tell you a secret," she looked intrigued.

"What?"

"Your brother," I paused and grinned. "is a huge pain in my ass."

She erupted out into a huge laughter. And she wouldn't stop.

"Oh, my god. That is so true." She kept laughing. And I couldn't just help but laugh with her too. It helped me to forget for a while that he actually _really_ was a huge pain in my ass. "You are so funny." She laughed and patted my shoulder. "So funny." She just laughed and laughed and laughed.

It was kind of getting creepy. She wasn't like happy-laughing. Or funny-laughing. It was more, sad. I frowned at that thought. "Hey, you okay?" I was starting to get a little worried. She shouldn't be like this. It was….. it's hard to explain.

"Yes. I am fine." She said as she tried to hold back her tears.

"Hey?" I grabbed her shoulder. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just, it was all okay, this-this morning and now, I mean, I don't kno9w what got into him." She was such a mess. Like me.

"Ok, ok, calm down." I paused. "Just breathe. Okay?"

She swallowed a large gulp. "Its-its Liam. Something's, he is acting weirdly. I don't know why."

"Weird? How?"

"He is just keep shouting and telling me to leave. He has a mild fever so I went to check up on him but he just screamed at me. Told me to get away from him." She paused as she tried to tell me the whole thing. "And he keeps staring at his phone for god knows why."

"Well, maybe its nothing. Maybe he just was sick. Maybe it's just your imagination." I tried to make her believe that. It was better than her getting spiraling out.

She sighed. "That's a lot of maybe." I smiled.

"Well, there is nothing but possibilities. So we could never be too sure about something, you know."

"So what am I supposed to do?" she was asking me what to do? Me of all people? I didn't even know half of the time what to do in situations. It's crazy to even consider me for counseling.

I constantly bat my eyelashes, struggling to say the appropriate word to soothe her. Or even remove that hint of tension of her face. But I couldn't. I didn't have the right words. "I, uh, I actually have no idea." I shrugged. "You are actually asking a person who struggles with every decision in her life. Half of the time I don't even know what I am doing." It's so true! "So yeah, my life is equally messed up. And I can't help you."

She nodded slowly. I could see that she was disappointed that I didn't give her any advice or anything but I couldn't help her.

"I get it. Oh god, why does it sucks!"

I gave her a crooked smile. "Trust me, I have been asking that question longer than you and still haven't got an answer." She smiled.

"Sucks for you."

I shrugged.

I looked at myself, disgusted by those big round holes under my eyes. I cursed at the mirror as I examined myself. How the hell did it happen? This had never ever happened to me! I looked like a zombie! Or something. I rolled my eyes as I tried to fix the damage. That's when someone knocked.

I sighed and opened the door.

"Kyle!" I almost screeched at him. Well, this was a surprise. "What are you doing here?"

He laughed softly. "Yes, well, knew you would be shocked to see me."

"Yes, well, I am. Its not everyday that Kyle Langley shows up at your doorstep." I said with all that anger and stubbornness I had bottled up from the morning. And I didn't regret it.

He pursed his lips, knowing very well the reason for my unwelcoming behavior. "Ok, I think I deserved that."

"Damn right, you do." How could someone be so rude? I mean if he didn't want to share anything with me than he should have told me. No one just gets up from their seat and say 'see you later' and stuff like that. Not to me, at least.

"I just came to inform you that we would leave tomorrow for the camping trip at around 10, ok?"

Camping trip? "What camping trip?" I didn't know about this.

"Lindsay didn't say anything?" he frowned.

I shook my head.

"I see." He said in a way as if he understood where the problem lies.

I couldn't believe it. "You see? That's all you could come up with?" I combusted. "That's all you got to say after everything? You know you are the reason my best friend is not talking to me. She proclaimed that she wont ever butt into my business. So guess what? Yes, she didn't told me about this stupid camp trip[ because she hates me and you know whose responsible for that? You." I pointed my finger at him. He didn't even look shocked. He just stayed impassive. It was like he didn't even cared what I was saying. As if it didn't hurt.

"My friend hates me because you told her about this whole Juneau trip and somehow she thinks that we are meant to be so she was trying to do everything to bring me here. And when I said no she though I didn't care for anybody. Not even her." I paused. If I see it like this, Kyle was the only reason my best friend hated me and decided to go avoid me at all cost. And I just hated the fact that he was responsible for this. I didn't want to think like this but he was making me.

"So yeah, you deserve every taunting sentence I say to you. You deserve it all." I said through my gritted teeth.

"I deserve this?" he said as if he couldn't believe it. "Maybe if you stop blaming me then you would see that the one who should be blamed is you."

I frowned and then glared at him. Me? Seriously!

"No, you don't get to say that." I shouted.

"I don't? How about we talk about the time when you promised that you would tell me your answer whether you would accompany me to this trip or not? Did I hear from you? No, of course not. Because you were too busy in your self loathing that you didn't have the decency, the humanity to even call me." I opened my mouth in utter shock. And it hurts. More than I thought it would.

"You think that I did that on purpose?" I whispered to him. I couldn't even look at him eye to eye. His gaze was more penetrating and more incensed than I could handle.

"It doesn't matter what I think." He lowered his voice to such an extent that it was barely audible. "Not anymore."

I nodded. So that's where it had to boil down. Him, finally saying that he didn't like me at all. He hated me. Just like Lindsay.

"I think you should go." I murmured to him.

He glanced at me with his mysterious look. The look that always had a way of sneaking up to me, trying to figure out something that only he knows.

"Yes. I think I should better go." He whispered, hiding his hands in his pockets. He wanted to say something else but he forbade himself. I could see that he did not like the situation we were in. And he definitely wanted to change it but he knew now was not the good time. But I wondered whether we would ever be able to get past this.

He moved up to the elevators and waited for it. The natural reflex for me should have been, me banging the door behind him but I didn't. I stood there, motionless. Frozen and stuck, for some reason. I needed to see him go. So I waited too, leaning on the door. The elevators pings and the doors opened. All I could feel now was these mixed, confused emotions that were playing inside of my head. It was as if a war was raging inside of me. His head was trying hard to avoid me but as the doors were closing he did see me. His green eyes were somehow looking so dark and intense. That one glance and then he was gone. Just that one glance. That was all I got in return.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I paced around my room, from one corner to other, trying to just think of something that would divert my mind. None. I couldn't think of anything. I rushed back to the bed and picked up my phone from the bedside table. I dialed his number.

"Hey, bro. It's me." I said after the beep. "I know you are not in New York, so am I. I'll tell you everything later. But I just," I paused. I never felt more alone and lonely in my entire life. "I wanted to hear your voice. I thought you would pick it up but seemed you are busy or something." I took a deep breath as I did everything I could not to sound desperate or anything. That would only worry him more.

"I, uh," I bit my lip. "I can't believe I am saying this but, um, I really need one of those brotherly advices you give. I need it more than ever. So, um, when you get this, call me. I'll, uh, well, say hi to Sonya for me. I miss her." I paused.

"Bye." I hung up.

When I glanced at the clock, it was 8p.m.

Everyone was too enthusiastic about this camping trip. Most of them. I helped David carrying the camping bags into the car. Kyle was somewhat cranky this morning. No doubt because of last night's conversations. Well, he wanted to be like that then fine. I wouldn't irritate him anymore. I picked up the last bag and kept it along with the others in the SUV. Jennifer came out of her hiding. So did Liam. But he looked a little pale. Probably because of the fever.

"Hey. Is Liam okay?" I whispered softly to Jennifer as Liam went inside the car and sit back, looking tired.

"Um, I hope. I mean he wasn't that much cranky last night. But, um, I don't know." She expressed my fears.

"Don't worry. He is just probably tired and feeling awful because of the fever. He will get better soon."

She nodded, holding on to that hope. Clinging to it. She turned on her heels and sat beside Liam, wrapping her arms around him, hiding her fears from everyone. Even her brother. My heart ached seeing that. She was so like me!

"All bags gone?" David interrupted my reverie midways.

"Huh? Uh, yeah. All packed and loaded." He smiled.

"Great." He said and patted once on my back.

Kyle saw it. He looked in his same impassive way, giving nothing away. That made me more worried. Because god knew what was going on his mind. He was behaving in this few ways so differently. It was like I didn't even know him at all. I tried to call him but he turned his face, resuming talking to Lindsay.

"Come on guys, let's go. Its time. We don't wanna be late." David announced to everyone.

Lindsay was smiling again, thanks to Kyle. They were probably having a nice talk because they seemed happy. At least when I am not around.

David went around towards the driver's side but Kyle stopped him, holding the door. "I'll drive." His smile was tight but nonetheless polite.

David, noticing nothing unusual smiled back at him, letting Kyle drive this time. David opened the back door and slide in. I was too climbing in when Lindsay stopped.

"You are sitting in the front." _She was not asking_. That was an order. She took the place beside David, where I was supposed to seat and started chattering with Jennifer and Missy. Missy was in the fade light. She wasn't talking so loudly today. Neither was she commanding around.

I exhaled. I went to the other side. Opening the door, I climbed into the passenger seat and stared right ahead. I knew he wasn't looking at me like a hawk but he did peek up at me. I turned instantly at him and all he could do was smirk at me. Turning his face ahead, he started the engine and we moved forward.

Music vibrates in my ear making me oblivious of the surrounding environment. I raised the volume high and the sound rose to its peak in my ears. I wanted to just stop thinking for while. And it was the only way I could have done. Especially since Mr. Brooding, not to mention arrogant guy was sitting right next to me. And avoiding was the new trend in town, folks. If he could act like he didn't have a care in the world so could I.

Someone patted my shoulder. I turned to see David gesturing for me to remove the plugs. I did so. "What?" I asked.

"What's with you and the earphone, man? Play with us." he grinned at me. Kyle rolled his eyes while focusing ahead on the road.

I frowned. "Play? Play what?"

"Ok, so Lindsay is saying that we should hike but I am saying that we should sit around the camp fire and you know feel the vibe of the whole nature. Whatcha think?" missy was all excited again. Frankly I liked the hike idea because I wouldn't so want to sit around and get to face the brooding stare of Kyle. I would get a heart attack if anymore I had to face that.

"I like the hike idea." And the bonus was that I was siding with Lindsay. Maybe that would please her.

Lindsay raised her eyebrows at me and smiled.

"See, told ya." Lindsay smirked at Missy. Missy rolled her eyes.

"But why does everyone wants to go on a hike? Ugh!" poor Missy. davit laughed at her.

"Guess your powers just vanished." Oh, he was so taunting her. She pushed him but he barely flinched.

"Fine! Do whatever you guys fill like. I have had enough." She folded her arms like an errand child and decided to not look at us. Everyone erupted into a big laughter. Jennifer and Liam too, surprisingly.

I sit back more relaxed as I hear more taunting and absurd things as David was leaving no one behind. Everyone was in his target and he was kind of great in what he was doing. At least he was making people smile and laugh. But on the other hand, Mr. Kyle was more of a secluded person. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"Having interesting thoughts?" from somehow, I hear Kyle saying it to me. I couldn't believe that he actually spoke something.

"Look, who came out from their coma." I whispered to him in a condescending way.

"Well, you are such a car wreck that everyone just forgets to live their life."

"Oh, so now it's my fault, huh?" I said through my gritted teeth but my voice was lowered. Didn't want anyone to hear our conversations.

"Oh, yes." He glared at me.

"Whatever. Go to hell." Ugh, I hated him! I folded my hands and turned away from him. It made me so angry. I didn't like him at all now. I thought that maybe someday I could try to fix it but I lost every hope of that now.

At last. The SUV stopped. I looked out the window and all I could see were dense forest and a single road leading straight ahead. "Hey, we are here." Missy announced. She climbed out, all excited, followed by David, Lindsay, Jennifer and Liam. "Nice plan." I muttered sardonically to Kyle as I got out too. I was so irritated y him this whole time. He was just so annoying, I literally wanted to strangle him.

"Thanks." He smirked at me, closing the door behind him.

"So what now? Chant in the open air? To the nature?" I was actually starting to like this condescending game.

"Yeah, you know what, you should go ahead and do that. After all it is your idea." He smiled at me and turned his back at me to help others take out all the camping stuff from the trunk.

"So what now?" Liam asked.

"Well, first we need to find a spot to put up the tent and then you all can do whatever you want." Kyle said in all fast forward as if he didn't even give a damn about anything.

"Great." I muttered to myself, probably lost whatever bit of excitement I had in me. Lindsay heard it. So did Kyle. But none of them said anything though I knew very well that I would hear it from them later.

"Ok, then. Let's move forward guys." Missy was still enthusiastic and led us through this single road into the forest.

The walk probably killed my legs and all I could think of was to shout on top of my voice and just stop pretending that I was not angry or annoyed by him. But I couldn't. I couldn't shout. Or scream. Or even kill him. That would be too spectacle.

I rolled my eyes at the thought. _I have got to stop thinking like that. _I rebuked myself as we finally found the right place to put on the tent. When I walked up to the brink of this land, down below, there were two tents already put up. I felt relaxed. It seemed we weren't the only one who was stupid enough to come up here. There was someone else too. My paranoia seemed to dissolve.

"Hey, where are you at?" Missy jerked me by my shoulder. "Help me with this stupid tent." I nodded, distracted.

"Yeah."

I stood for a moment, trying to get a grip on myself. I wasn't myself. This was not me. Why was I acting like this?

I closed my eyes as I endeavor to know what was going inside me. I never got affected so much by someone whom I have known from a few weeks or so. Why did I let him get me affected so much? Why did I give a damn about him?

I hid my face with my hand as I was beginning to lose it. This was such a mess. Trying to figure this out would get so overwhelming that I would probably get crazy or something.

"Anita!" missy called me again.

I shook my head and turned towards. "Yeah, coming."

"Hey, you okay?" Lindsay came and asked me with a concerned face.

"Yeah. Why won't I be?" I muttered to her and lead my way to help Missy. It was probably best to not drag her into my problems anymore. I saw what happened last time when I had her involved with Kyle. That won't happen again.

Not again.

"So, what's up with you and my friend?" David sat beside me on the grassy land. We were all so tired. I guess, especially me with all this hiking. I had never ever walked so much in my life.

I smiled. I knew that someday he would ask me that.

"What do you mean?"

He raised his eyebrows at me, smirking at me.

"Don't play with me. I know there's something going on between you too." He paused and looked at Kyle who was a little far away from us, a bottle of water in his hands, talking with his sister, smiling and laughing. It's been since yesterday that I hadn't seen that smile of his. I was starting to miss it. "He won't just bring three total strangers in here with his best friend," he gestured himself. My smile broadened. "And with his sister and her boyfriend. No. there's more to it."

Smart guy. Though I hardly think there was anything going on between Kyle and me. Well, not anymore, I guess.

"Well, hate to disappoint you but there's nothing going on between us." I paused, gazing at Kyle. "Not that I know of anyway." I was whispering that to myself but probably David heard me.

"Did you two get into a fight or something?" he was getting serious. More deep.

"Uh, well, it was more of a misunderstanding." I tried to flick him off with that. I wouldn't want him too get involve in this. After all it was between me and Kyle. And plus, I didn't want to take any chances with David. If he says anything to Kyle, then I was sure he would come back and blame me for involving his best friend in this and probably a lot more things that I didn't even do.

"You two _did_ get into a fight." He nodded acknowledging the fact that it was that indeed.

"No. its, its more complicated." Damn it. I didn't want him to know.

"Hey, its okay." He raised his hand in the air as a gesture as if he understood it. "I get it. You don't want me to know about it. It's okay. Typical couple problem. I get it." He murmured as if he knew what he was doing. "And I won't say anything to Kyle. I would like to see him tormented by you."

What?

I stare at him, totally taken aback by that. "Um, what? You are kidding right? Because I am the ne who is being tormented by him!" he must have got this the wrong way around.

"You please." He flicked me like I was being ridiculous. "I know him. And he is not capable of tormenting. But you, on the other hand," his eyes glowed and the vibe was so intense and dark, I literally expired. "You are capable of that. I can see it."

I almost stopped breathing. The way he said was so strong and yet so sensual. It was compelling. I didn't think he had it in him. I thought he was more of a good sense of humor type of guy.

"I, uh, I don't even know what to say on that." I stumbled as I try to regain my consciousness.

He grinned broadly. "You don't have to. Just remember what I said. And you'll know what to do."

I shook my head as I couldn't even believe what was going on in here. "How can you even know who am I? You just met me two days ago."

Was I being a little too paranoid? Or was it his affect?

He shrugged. "I may not be a famous Psychiatrist like my best friend here but I know people. I understand them and I definitely know you."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Are you flirting with me?"

He burst out laughing. "Now why would I do?" he said in a shocking way. Though I knew it was all an act. His way of swaying girls. That much I got to know about him.

I slapped him on his shoulder. He kept on smiling. And he had such a great smile, showing off his perfectly white teeth. And that lips, wow. I made a disgusted face.

I slapped away the thought. What was I thinking?

"Um, yeah. I have opt go."

He frowned. "Where?" I rose up.

I tried to think of a good excuse. "To Lindsay. I need to talk to her about something." I smiled so that he didn't suspect anything. "I'll see you later. Bye." I muttered weirdly, walking away from him.

I breathed heavily as I made an attempt to get away as far from there as possible. I walked faster and faster as my heart beats frantically. What was I even thinking back there? His lips? His perfect teeth? What hell was wrong with me?

I cursed myself as I felt irritated by myself. I was going overboard. I mean how could I even possibly having thoughts like this? I should be thinking about Kyle. Not David.

I shook my head. No. Stop thinking about David, I thought to myself.

I was still walking.

I needed air. I just, I was so baffled by everything that was going on, hence my unscrupulous thoughts. But I guess it was in my nature. I had always been like this. Careless. No respect for other's feelings. And doing whatever the heel I wanted without even thinking about the consequences for a second.

Yes. Those were my some of the many flaws that I guess I acquired from my beloved parents. Oh, yes. They passed on their most sinful traits in me that was now destroying my life. Like it destroyed theirs.

"Ugh!" I muttered, incensed. "Damn it." I kicked the small rick in front of me and it jumped off just a little far away from me.

I fell to the ground, on my knees. I did everything to not being just like my parents. But I was afraid that I _was_ turning out to be them. I was turning into him. the guy I hated for six long years. And still it didn't fade away. It was as overpowering as it was six years ago. It seemed nothing changed.

The wound. The pain. The confrontation. It was all there. Alive inside of me. Unable to shake it. And I was scared.

Scared that I would always have this in my heart, a burden. Stabbing me from inside out. I hated this feeling so much.

I inhaled as I struggled to push away my tears. I didn't want to feel like this anymore. I….

My breathing was suddenly peaked. A certain pain plunged inside of my head, travelling all the way to my body. Weakening me. Consuming me.

I held on to my thighs for support, barely feeling anything. I closed my eyes to fin that strength again.

_Breathe. Just breathe_. I reminded myself.

I looked up and opened my eyes. The sky was not blue. It looked more of a lump like. And light seemed to be starting to disappear into darkness.

I ran my hands through my hair, getting a grip on myself. I got up and looked around me.

_Where was I? _

I frowned.

I turned and started walking straight where I supposedly thought I came here from. I walked. It didn't make any sense. I was no way near the camp. I glanced at my watch. 5:45pm.

Shit. It was getting dark. I needed to head back or I wont be able to see anything in the dark. I rushed my way as I processed my memory to thinking from which way I came.

I had my hands in my head. This was so not happening to me.

"What am I gonna do?"

I instantly dropped my hands in my pocket to find my phone.

"Oh, no. No." panic started to boil inside me.

I forgot my phone. It was in my bag. Great. I had been eternally screwed since I was born. That was sure.

I felt a slight sprain in my ankle, probably because of all the walking that I had since I came here. I decided not to give up and kept walking. All the more confusion started to create. The more I was walking, the more baffled was starting to get.

I quietly sat under this tree that was right in front. Well, technically wherever I was looking all there was, was trees. I gave up. I was getting more perplexed in this god forsaken forest the more I tried to find my ay.

It was better if I sty here and wait.

I suddenly smiled.

I finally I guess found my sanity that was allowing me to think straight. That not had a total psychotic breakdown. Which in this case should probably wouldn't have hurt.

But anyways, now all I ad to do was wait.

Wait to see if any one comes to my rescue.

I snorted. _As if that's going to happen!_

_As if that would happen_. I thought to myself.

There was in no way anyone would possibly notice before its dark that I was gone. They were all engaged in their own little dramas. They didn't have time to keep track of me. Well, maybe David…

I quickly abandoned that thought.

_Just forget about all that_. _Think what to do next_. I remembered myself. I didn't think of any plan. I mean, it was already dark and it seemed that no one would be able to find me, nor could I retrace my steps.

So I decided to wait.

Just wait.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

If this would have happened to me in some order situation where my emotions weren't all over the place, then maybe I would have freaked out. But I wasn't. So either makes me too strong or too oblivious of reality.

I just hoped that none of my worst fears came true. Which frankly was even more frightening than to spend a night alone in this dark forest.

I was sitting crossed leg, plucking out the grass from the ground. I looked at the sky. It was so dark. When I glanced at the clock, it was already way past 7 o'clock.

I sighed.

This trip had been the worst trip in my entire life. I had faced unreasonable fights with my best friend. Then unnecessary fights with, with Kyle. Unexplainable bonding with David.

I shook my head as I went down memory lane.

_That's it_. I stood up. I won't wait up anymore.

I took the left turn as I walked down this black hole. There was nothing I could see. It was so dark that I almost hit my on the branch of a tree.

"Ouch!" I cried out in pain. My hands instantly caressing my forehead.

"Anita!" And that's when I heard that familiar voice from a little distance away.

"Hello?" I muttered as I moved forward. "Is anyone there?"

No one said anything.

"Hello?" I called out again.

No one replied.

I sighed in regret. Maybe I was dreaming. Maybe it was because I hit my head.

I shook my head. Oh, I was thinking absurd things.

I touched my forehead as a stingy feeling moved across. _Oh, that hurts_. I took a while to let that pain go away. But it didn't. I leaned on the tree, my head touching the branch. I closed my eyes as I let myself get oblivious of the surrounding. All I could sense was the occasional wind that was blowing away the leaves and the loose grass away and some sticking under my shoes.

My breathing was rapid and my body cold.

"Hey!" someone jerked me by my shoulders, making me wide awake from my oblivious state. "What are you doing?" Kyle's soothing voice filled in my mind, taking over my senses completely.

"You are here?" Was I dreaming?

He frowned.

"Yes." He paused and touched my forehead. His hand turning red with my blood. "What happened to you?" his concerned voice made me believe that he was really here!

"Oh my god!" I jumped at him, embracing him. My arms wrapping around him. "You are really here. Thank goodness." I muttered to myself.

"Let me see you first." He jerked me away as he started to inspect my wound. "This is bad. Wait." He tore the lower end of his white shirt, tying it around my forehead. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt anywhere?"

I smiled like a fool. I guess it was just hormones taking over, but I was so glad that it was him that came for me. And I couldn't stop smiling.

"Anita." He seemed irritated by my behavior.

"What?" I was still smiling.

"God! You are such a kid." He said and took my hand and by the time realized it, we were walking.

"Where are we going?" I frowned.

"Where do you think genius?" I snapped at me. "Back to the camp, of course." He added stubbornly.

Why was he so angry with me? Did I do something wrong?

"Why are you talking to me like that?" I needed to know.

He didn't say anything.

I waited but he went back to his brooding state.

"Are you going to answer me?" I demanded.

He let go of my hand and we stopped abruptly. "Well, you wan to know why I am angry. Lets start with the foolish thing you did by coming here alone and then getting lost. How about that?"

I opened my mouth in astonishment. "I didn't do it on purpose."

"No. but it happened anyway. Let's not forget that you put me through hell." He muttered. Taking my hands again, he led the way.

I put him thorough hell? Why would he say that?

I frowned. This even didn't make nay sense.

"You don't make sense." I whispered, probably hoping that he didn't hear. But on the other hand I wanted him to hear it.

"What?" he stopped.

I west tired of this. "You heard me? You don't make any sense."

He frowned, trying to find the meaning of it.

I swallowed. "You said clearly meant yesterday that you didn't like me. Well, something like that. And now you are telling that I put you through hell? I mean what can I make out from this?"

"Whatever you want to. Now come on." He tried to get hold of my hand but I stepped back from him. "You seriously want to do this here?"

I shrugged.

He sighed. "What do you want to know?" he said after a beat.

"I don't know. What is going on in your mind?" I seriously needed some answer. This running around, knowing nothing of what was gain o in his mind was quite exhausting.

"I honestly don't know the answer to that. Now come on." He again tried to get hold of my hand, but I wasn't giving up.

"Well, then tell something else."

"Can we do this some other time? Our friends are waiting."

"No, we hake to do it right now." He sighed. I thought of something that I wanted to know about him. "How about you tell me what was going on with your dad? Why did you hate to work for him?"

He glared at me. "That's personal." Two words and he could actually let you get frightened by him. But it didn't work on me.

I shrugged.

He corseted his hands, his face wearing this evil smile. He was definitely up to something.

"How about you tell me what actually happened with your so called ex boyfriend back in Mumbai?"

What?

I gaped at him. "You don't get to ask that. It's personal."

He gave me a now-you-know-what-it-fells-like smile. "Great. Now, lets go." He muttered stubbornly, walking forward, this time didn't try to get hold of my hand.

I sighed.

I followed him since I had no other choice than to follow him. He won't tell me anything. And now it seemed that if I needed to know something he would use my silence against me. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was getting too personal. And I guess knowing something about him was out of the question now, unless….

Unless I speak up about me first.

Which probably won't happen. Ever.

I instantly closed my eyes as the light rays blinded me. i peeked up from my pillows, I was in my room. What? I was now alarmed. How did I get here? I tried to remember. The last thing I remembered was me getting into the SUV at around, I think, was around 9. I didn't know. It's all just hazy.

I scratched my head, when I noticed it was all cleaned and cover with a band aid. I sat astride. Who did that?

Kyle?

I shook my head. Maybe he called a doctor or something. After all he was more frightened than me, when he looked at my wound.

I got up from bed, heading straight to the bathroom. I stared at the mirror. My blue shirt was covered with small drops of blood. No doubt from yesterday's hit.

Opening the white cloth, I stared at my wound. It didn't look that bad! Splashing repeatedly with water on my face, I glanced at the big mirror in front of me.

I couldn't even recognize my face. I wasn't exactly who I used to be. It was someone else who was staring back at me. Those puffy eyes, because of too much sleep, were someone else's eyes. That was not me.

I took the towel and turned my face around so that I didn't have to see the sight of myself. I head back to my room and searched for my phone. Where was it? It had to be here somewhere.

I found it on my bag. It was exactly where I left it. When I switched it on, I found five missed calls from Karan.

"No." I whispered to myself in dismay. I needed to talk to him. I called him-it was probably 12 noon in Chicago. So he might have come back from his trip.

"Hello, Anita?" his voice made me relaxed instantly. Thank god, he picked it up!

"Hey." I muttered with a big sigh. "How are you? Are you back from Chicago? I have missed you so much." I said it all at once.

"Okay. I guess, you really missed me after all." He said in his typical I-don't-believe-my-sister kind of way.

I laughed. "I did. So much."

"You said you weren't in New York. Where are you?"

Oh, right. I even asked him for brotherly advice.

I regretted that I said that earlier because now he would not let it just go until I tell him what's wrong. And that's conversation for a phone call.

"Uh, yeah. I am in Juneau."

I knew he must be frowning right now.

"Juneau? Why? Its not some place you would like to go." And he was so right!

"Yes. But, I came here with my friends."

"Friends!" I had his full attention now. It would be hard to subdue him.

"Yes. And guess what? I am coming back tomorrow." I paused. "So I was wondering; can you stop by my house later? I need to talk to you."

"What time?" it was as easy as breathing. He didn't even have to think twice. Not when it came to me. Or his family. He had always been the caring one. Something I never found in me.

"Uh, in the afternoon, I guess. And please, bring Sonya." I was actually requesting him. "It's been too long since I saw her face. Since her birthday, I think."

"Yeah, I know. She misses you too."

I smiled at the thought. "I know." I missed them both. From the bottom of my heart.

"So, I guess I should leave you now. You also need to pack up and get ready for the flight."

"Yes. But I have time."

"I miss you sister." He paused. "Bye. I love you."

"Love you too." And he hung up.

Someone knocked and made me jumped.

"Damn it!" I whispered to myself, my hand on my chest. "Coming!" I quickly went and opened the door. "Kyle."

He had his arms crossed, leaning against the door. "Hey." He muttered.

"Hi." I wasn't angry anymore. Why?

"How's your head?" I touched my forehead.

"All healed." I smiled. His green eyes were almost clear and transparent, as if I could actually see through them.

"Good." He nodded.

"Hey, how did I come here? To my room?"

He smiled at some memory that I was unknown of. "Oh, right. When we came back at the hotel, you fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake you up so I carried you back to your room."

"Oh." I couldn't find some reasonable thing to say. "And, um, this?" I gestured my wound. "Don't say you did this too?"

He seemed amused. "No, I didn't. Lindsay did."

Really? I thought to myself. She did it. I nodded. "Well, thanks to her." I whispered.

"Look, I came here to just say that," he paused. My interests were peeked. "I was a little rude to you these past few days, and I would like to say that I am sorry. It wasn't me."

"No, its, um, its fine. I wasn't myself either. You don't have to apologize."

He smiled and raised his eyebrows with his sexy green eyes. I melted at the sight.

"Thanks." He smirked at me.

"No problem."

We didn't mutter anything as an insidious silence crept up to us. I lost the power of speech. The only thing I was focused on was his smile, which for some unfathomable reason wasn't fading away.

"I, I should go now." He murmured as a way of dealing with this awkward silence.

"Right. Okay. See you later."

He nodded, smirking. "Yeah." He paused. "Bye."

I waved at him. "Bye."

I was still smiling, on my own. I slapped my head. I was so weird. What was going on with me?

I chided myself as I head back inside to my room.

"Here, let me help you." Kyle said as he got hold of my heavy bag and shoved it inside the cabinet.

"Thanks." I smiled at him. He smiled back.

I sat on my seat, drinking a lot of tequila. Te pain on my forehead seemed to dissipate if I stay drunk. And that was my new mission until this excruciating sting doesn't go away.

"You might slow down on that. Or you will have severe hangover tomorrow." Kyle muttered as he sat beside me.

"I honestly don't care it helped with the pain. And I will do anything to just not feel it anymore."

"Hmm." he said, sipping on the glass of water.

I yawned heavily. Why was I so sleepy? I rubbed my eyes and drank more tequila.

"You okay?" he asked solicitously.

"Uh, yup. Just feeling a little sleepy."

The flight attendant announced to fastened our seatbelts, it was about time to take off. I fastened mine, glancing back, I saw Lindsay talking to David. She saw me and smiled softly. I smiled back at her.

I was hoping that since we were going back, things would be back to how it was. But I was more than aware that, that was not possible. But I still hoped that she would be back to who she was. My best friend. It was the only hope that I could cling on to. And I would because she was not just someone. She was my best friend who hated me but still cared for me even when we were fighting. And that's something that wont go away because of a misunderstanding.

I turned back my gaze and sipped my tequila.

"You guys okay?" he asked.

I turned to face him. "What?"

"I mean, you and Lindsay."

I shrugged. "I mean she loves me. That's no surprise. But she also hates me. Since I am insensitive to things that she isn't."

He frowned. "No, you are not."

I bragged. "Trust me, I am."

He made a do-you-really-want-to-argue-about-this face. I rested my case there. I hated arguing.

"I am sorry." He said all of a sudden.

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "Why are you apologizing?"

"It wouldn't have happened if I didn't have said anything to her about the trip and all. That was me being careless."

What? No, it wasn't.

"What are talking about? It wasn't your fault." I paused. "I mean, yeah, I get the whole getting to know each other part. You definitely wanted me to come, and I appreciate that. But," I gazed at his green eyes, which was beginning to dilute. "It wasn't your fault. I was the one who, who was insensitive. I should have make her understand the reasons of my not going." I whispered to him.

"And what's that?"

I shrugged. "I guess I was afraid."

He was amused, frowning all the while. "Of what?" he was laughing at me. "You figured I was a serial killer?" yes, he was laughing at me.

I beamed at him. "Ah, yeah, at first."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. I actually was pretty sure that you were a serial killer."

"You were pretty sure, huh?" he grinned at me.

"I was pretty sure. " I murmured to him. "I mean, who else helps a total stranger on an airport about their personal lives. Even if you're damn profession is to help people. No one does that."

He shrugged arrogantly. "I wanted to, so I did. And I never regretted it." His voice was candid. Open.

I leaned on my seat, staring outside the window. "Yeah, you really helped me." I whispered; my mind diverted somewhere else.

I could feel his searching eyes on me, but resisted not looking at him. I always thought that what he did was something not even my family could have done. He helped without even knowing the whole truth. He helped in spite of knowing that I was the one who did something awful. "What were you doing back at Mumbai?" I asked him; my face still away from him.

"My father was sick, so I had to take care of something." he said impassively, his face wondering where I was going with this.

"Was that the first time you father started getting sick?"

He didn't say anything. I waited.

"Yes. Why are,"

"You know why I was all sad and reckless on that day?" I interrupted him.

"I never wanted to."

"But you did, yesterday." I snapped at him.

"Look, I,"

"I was there for my friend's marriage." My gaze downwards. "Who happened to my ex-boyfriend." Memory flooded in front of me. Remembering every last detail. "And trust me when I say this, I don't have nay feelings or him. Not even when we were dating." I paused.

"I adored him. He was one of my best buddies. And I loved him so much. But I just, I never felt anything more than that."

The engines started and the descent began. I squeezed Kyle's hand tightly. I was feeling scared. It never happened before.

"Why are you telling me this?" Kyle muttered, his whole being just trying to find what I was thinking.

I relaxed after a bit and gazed at his green eyes.

"Because I am drunk." I smiled at him. He did the same. "And because I need to."

He nodded slowly.

"I knew that maybe I shouldn't go back there and I did anyway. And I never realized that it was a mistake until something bad happened."

He frowned.

"Long story." I muttered.

He raised his eyebrows at me.

I decided to tell him anyway, since I started this conversation knowing that I would like to tell him the truth. He deserved it!

"I kissed Samir. It's his name"

He had his one eyebrow raised, his interests suddenly elevated. But he was polite enough to not look so eager.

"And his fiancé caught us."

"What?" Now he was looking at me, shocked.

I nodded.

"And that's how destructive I am." I turned my face away, so that I didn't have the urge to cry. The more I would see him the more I would feel like to cry.

He touched my shoulder, making me to face him. "Please, you are hardly destructive. Impulsive, maybe a little." He smiled at me.

I laughed, but there was a hint of sadness in it. The reason for that, I didn't even know.

The only question I had been asking since that day was: Am I a bad person? Why would I have even decided to go there in the first place? How I could have screwed this up?

The guilt was something I could never shake. Perhaps I never would be able to.

"You are not bad, if that's what you are thinking?" he leaned towards me. "We all do things we aren't proud of. Trust me, I know it."

I shook my head.

"No. I am a bad person. You know why? Because, what I did made their marriage broke." I paused. Suddenly all those memories kept rushing in front of my eyes, making each and every memory more hurtful. More painful. Even though I accept that what happened was a misunderstanding or a stupid mistake, it would never undo the horrible image that floats in my mind. The hateful stares of his fiancé. The regret in Samir's face. The chase to stop his love. I saw it all.

But I couldn't do anything.

"I broke their marriage. Of course I am a bad person. I just don't know how I get sleep at night." I muttered, irritated by my actions.

"Anita." Kyle muttered helplessly as I didn't look at him. "Its not your fault."

"You can tell that to your patients, Kyle," I faced him. "But you cant fool me with that crap." I paused. "It _is_ my fault." He glanced at me in a defeated look but then he nodded.

I felt sleepy but I wasn't able to sleep. I was trying to sleep, but I was jerked awake for some reason. I fixed my pillows as I try to relax myself.

"You know I hate working for my father." Kyle suddenly bombarded with his topic.

"What?" I paused to take that all in. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't wanna be a businessman." He said as a matter-of-factly.

"But why?"

I was feeling so uncomfortable. I couldn't able to sleep in this pillow. I jerked my head towards Kyle's side, and leaned on his shoulder. He didn't flinched or anything.

"Sorry. I just couldn't find a comfortable place to sleep." I smiled but I hardly think he saw that.

"So you decided to raid my shoulder, huh?"

I shrugged.

I felt his grin as he rested his head on top of mine. I wrapped my one arm around his and closed my eyes.

"I just don't want to be what he is, you know." He continued. "But he doesn't get that."

"Hmm. that's bad." My eyes could barely stay open. I tried to hear what he was saying but I just couldn't.

"I hate that he puts so much pressure on something I never even wanted to do in the first place."

"Yeah, I know."

"And I just…."

I just couldn't stay anymore awake…..

He turned off the engine. I stare motionlessly ahead. All I could think of was how I just slept o the most important topic that he was talkie about. At first I wasn't able to sleep. But when I leaned on him, I couldn't stay awake. I mean, it didn't even make any sense.

"So, um, you mind telling me again what you said earlier?" my tried to look innocent.

He frowned. "No. I wasn't saying anything." He said nonchalantly.

"I meant when we were on the flight." Maybe that would help him realize of what I was talking about.

He shook his head. "No. I don't remember. Maybe you were dreaming. You drank too much."

"Right." Disappointment crashed in. "Thanks for the ride." I muttered and turned my head to open the door. I rolled my eyes at the missed opportunity to know more about him.

I got out and shut the door behind me. He got out too and helped me with my bags. "You sure you don't want me to take this inside?" he referred to the luggage.

"No. its okay. I can do it."

He smiled. "Okay, then." He said and climbed inside the car again.

I took the suitcase and started walking forward.

"Hey." He called from behind me. I turned to see. He lowered down the passenger window, and gazed at me.

"What?" I murmured.

"You really shouldn't fall asleep when someone is talking to you. You miss a lot of things." He taunted me.

I opened my mouth in surprise. He was playing with me. Grinning at me, he started the engine and went out of the driveway. I shook my head at his playfulness and went inside.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Home sweet home. At last. I kept the bags at the corner and fall on to the bed. I was so tired. Even though I slept nice, but it still wasn't that comfortable as the bed. And those pillows! Those pillows killed me. I hated those.

Though I didn't even remembered half of the journey. The only time I was awake was the time we had to wait at the lounges during the stops. I turned on my front and cherished the feeling of sleeping on this comfortable bed. Oh, how I missed it!

I started assembling my things. My suitcase was a mess. Probably because of the fact that I was packing at the last moment. Karan was right. I should have packed earlier. But I didn't listen, as usual.

I took out my blue shirt out, and it still had some stains of the blood. Made me remember of my time alone in that forest. I almost lost hope. Thought no one would come. And that feeling? The feeling of me struggling. For some reason, after I got hit on my head, I felt so weak. Not because of the wound. But I just felt as if the air was thinning around me. It was so weird. I just couldn't explain it with words.

I kept the shirt away. I needed to wash it again.

Someone rung the bell. I glanced at the clock. It was around half past one.

"Karan." I muttered, smiling.

I quickly went to the front door and opened it.

"Hey." I hugged him, grinning. He wrapped around me too.

"Someone's happy to see me." he muttered, teasing me.

I released him, my hands holding his arms. "Of course I am happy to see you, idiot." I punched me on his arms and laughed.

I peeked outside but there was no one else. "Where's Sonya?" I asked as I looked for her.

"Uh, she didn't come." I was disappointed. I wanted her to come. It's been too long she I saw her.

I pouted.

"But, you promised you would bring her with you." I whined.

"I know. But she had school."

What? _That's such a lame excuse_, I thought to myself.

"She is five. She doesn't need to Einstein." I glared at him.

He wrapped his one arm around my neck and closed the door with the other. "Sister, I have not been here for twp minutes and you are fighting with me? Not fair."

"Well, sisters are like that only. Learn to live with that." I beamed at him.

"Hmm. so where's the bar?" he smirked at me and goes to the bar area.

I raised my eyebrows as I followed him.

"Its afternoon!" I reminded him.

"Yes, well, when you have a five year old daughter, you don't get chances like this, do we?" he smirked at me.

"Point taken." I said and sat on one of the stool.

He opened the bear bottle and gave me one. I scratched my forehead and that's when he saw the wound too.

"What happened to your head?" he asked anxiously. He came around to me and inspected the wound.

"I am fine. I was just lost in the forest and hit my head on a tree trunk. It was dark."

Karan stayed impassive and then burst out laughing. I frowned. What was so funny?

"Your life is so," he thought for a while. "Interesting. I wished I had that."

I struggled with the thought that he thinks that my life was interesting because I got hit by a tree. Yes, I think that's what he meant.

"Do you want me to call the psych ward?" I teased me.

"Not funny, sister." He grinned at me.

I shook my head, smiling too. "Well, you are talking insane."

He shrugged, taking a gallop of his bear. I pursed my lips, wondering how to start my conversation. I felt agitated for the first time in front of him. I sighed.

"What is it? Speak up."

I rolled my eyes. "Remember the guy I told you about? Kyle?"

I raised his eyebrows, knowing very well where this conversation was heading. "Yes, I do." He kept away the bear bottle and leaned in to listen carefully.

I exhaled.

"I had a fight with him."

"Hmm, that's nor-mal." He hesitated. "What about?"

I bit my lip. This might take a while. I shook my head and started talking about it from the beginning. The meeting of Kyle and Lindsay. Lindsay coming over. Then her shocking surprise trip. My fight with her. Every last detail. My trip to Juneau. My fight with Kyle.

I got so drained with all this talking. And now that I said it all, I was stunned myself that all of this happened in a week. From shocking revelations to unnecessary fights, it was all so overwhelming.

"That's quite a story." He said, nodding his head slowly as he tried to process all this information.

"I know." I whispered.

"So, enlighten me again, what help- do you want from me?" He seemed flustered.

"Uh, I, um," So was I.

I took a deep breath. "I honestly don't know. I just wanted to talk to someone. Or I would have exploded."

He shifted and stood erect. "Now you are okay?"

Was I? I asked myself. Even if I wasn't, I couldn't have known the answer to that in that moment. I was too enrapt in my own reverie. My reverie of my life. My questions. All of that was blinding my ability to even think of something else.

"Um, I'll let you know when I know it myself." I beamed at him.

He didn't seem to be convinced by my answer but I guess he couldn't have objected because there was no reason to. I tried to keep that smiley face plastered all over me because as it was he had so much to think of and on top of that, if I started to show gloominess, I knew for sure that he would have poked his way to know about it.

I loved him. To death. But bringing him to this would be the wrong decision. At first I did wanted his help but now that I knew only I could have helped myself, I changed my mind. I won't involve him in this.

"You sure you are okay?" he asked again for the thousandth time.

I hugged him as we stood in front of my door. "Yes. Don't worry." I released him.

He smiled. "Good." He muttered and put on his jacket. He steeped down the stairs and turned.

"Bye." He grinned and winked at me.

I waved at him. "See ya."

Time was passing by so quickly. Especially since everything happened. Most of my time always just spends by me trying hard to talk to Lindsay. Or just think about Kyle. That was what I did.

It's Thursday. And I hadn't talk or seen Kyle since last Sunday. I tried so much to just forget him. _Maybe he was over me or something_, I tried to convince myself. Lindsay, on the other hand was awfully distant from me. Her unnecessary oath to not interfere in my life had made me more desperate than ever.

It was around 9:15 when I reached office. I quickly dashed into my office. And saw Lindsay sitting opposite my desk.

I hastily sat on my chair. "You're late." She murmured, passively.

"I know. Car problem." I lied. The truth was that I was too distracted to even come here.

She frowned. "Of course." She paused. "So, um, I need you to sign on this papers. You read it first and I'll come by later to take it." I rose up from her seat and was about to leave.

"Hey, Lindsay." I called her.

"Huh?" she turned, looking almost like an uncaring person. As if I didn't even mattered to her anymore.

"Nothing." I shook my head. What was I supposed to say? She wouldn't even have listened to me anyway.

"Okay." She nodded and stepped out of my office.

My whole being just felt like shattered into a million pieces. The way she now looks at me was even more hurtful than her brooding look. How long was this supposed to continue?

I sighed.

It was lunch time. Around one o'clock. I sit back, eating my noodles courtesy of Ashley. She was a great assistant. Never really let me down. Thanks to her, now I could just sit back in my chair and eat my lunch in my office. I wasn't feeling like to go out. Not anymore.

My cell phone rang.

I clumsily took the phone on my hand. It was an unknown number.

"Hello?" I said, frowning.

"Anita." My breathing almost stopped.

"Dad?" I couldn't believe it. Why was he calling?

"Hey, kiddo. How are you?" his voice was that of warmth. Full of delight.

"Dad." It was stuck in my mouth. And I just couldn't seem to let it go.

"Yes, its me." he whispered.

I opened my mouth to say something but now I seemed to have forgotten that. I still tried to process the very fact that he called. After so many months later he actually got the guts to call me. And now that I remembered, the last time I saw him it was at Sonya's birthday.

Seemed a long time ago now!

"Why are you calling me?"

He sighed.

"Cant father call his daughter to see how she is?"

My face fumed with anger.

"No. you can't." I was raged with anger. "No, you don't get to call me." my voice started to get higher.

"Anita,"

"Don't." I muttered.

Lindsay came rushing in. her face full of surprise. She looked at me and knew what was going on. I got up from my seat and went near the window so that no one from the outside can hear me.

Lindsay closed the door.

"I have been trying to forget what you did for six years, dad." I paused. "Six years. But you know what I can't just let it go. Karan could. And go knows how he had such a gift of forgiveness. But I don't. I can't." I cp0vered my mouth as agony wanted to just burs out. "I wish I could. I wished I wasn't the rebellion one but I can't. I am sorry but I can't."

"You can't torture me for a mistake I did years ago." He was now himself. The stubborn one. The denial man, who never accepted that he was the one, who broke our family apart.

"Well, what you did years ago, we are still paying for that. I am still paying for that." I snapped at him.

"Anita, please,"

"I have to go. Don't call me again."

I hung up.

I had my hands on my temple. I was not expecting this to happen today. why would he call? After all this time didn't he get my message?

"Hey, um, are you okay?" Lindsay tip toed her way forward, trying not to offend me or anything.

"Yes." I whispered and get back to my seat. "I signed it. Here you go." I gave her the file, my face not confronting her. I knew that if I do that she would see how depressed I just got by a phone call.

"It was Danny, right?" she said softly. I gazed up at her, frowning.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Well, you know what screw him. Don't let it get to you. Just forget it."

I pursed my lips. "I did. He just reminded me of everything all over again."

Lindsay sighed.

As the elevator doors opened, I stepped out and make my way to the double doors. Ed was picking me up. I thought at first that I would walk but then I decided to not do that. Fickle minded.

"Why do you look so depressed?" he muttered as he started the engine.

"I am not."

Distracted should have been my name because that's what I was. All the time. I was watching outside as the scenes changed constantly because of the moving car. I was thinking something. I wasn't conscious about it. But I was thinking something. In the back of my mind, I knew what it was.

"Hey, Ed. Can you pull over at the nearest coffee shop? I need caffeine." I murmured.

He nodded and after two minute, he stopped at the coffee shop.

"I'll be back in a moment." I said as I scrambled out of the car.

The line was hideous. I was after six people. And even though you are the owner of a high end glossy fashion company, people didn't care to look as they waited for their turn to get their dose of sanity before they go off to their busy schedule and work load.

I rolled my eyes as one guy was buying lattes for his whole family probably! This might take some while

"Anita? Hey!"

I tilted my face up from the magazine I was holding on my hand. "David, hi." I smiled up at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Buying guns." I teased. The people around me looked up to me, making a disgust face. I tried to suppress my smile.

He laughed softly. "Right. So uh, you- take this." He handed me his cup. "I'll go get another one."

What? I gape at him. But he barely noticed that as he quickly made his way through the line, no care of the angry people, who were chiding him for breaking line. "Sorry." He apologized, and came to me. "Easy." He muttered. I rolled my eyes.

"Now come on." He led the way out as I sipped this unknown drink. I wondered what he liked to drink. Latté? Macchiato?

"Black coffee?" I muttered to him as he grinned.

"Yeah. You don't like? I can get you another one, you know." He stopped as he gestured to again go into the crowd. I stopped him.

"No, no. Don't. I think black coffee would suffice for now." I smirked.

"Good." He said and we started walking again.

"So how are you?" he asked as we were in front of my car.

I shrugged as I processed that question myself. I never really gave myself a chance to even think how I was. I was too busy t make things right. And the more I tried, the more the stumbled. More I fell on my face. Hurting myself. And others too.

"After you got "lost", I didn't really get much chance to talk." He added sincerely.

I nodded. "I know."

"Do you wanna go somewhere?" he suddenly took me by surprise by his question.

I gasped. Softly. Unnoticeable.

"Uh," I breathed heavily. "Not today. I, um, I need to make some things right."

He frowned at my secrecy.

"I have to finish my sketches." It was partly true. But I also didn't want to go with him. I just, it didn't feel right at the moment.

"Oh. Well, then maybe someday." He smiled politely. "I'll see you later?"

I nodded, smiling tightly. A lump forming in my stomach. Making me sick. He took some paces where he parked his bike. I grinned, forgetting for a while this sick feeling.

"Nice ride." I teased.

"Thank you. And you would have also got a chance to ride this baby." I coughed at the thought.

"Uh, no thanks. I don't ride a bike." My face turning red because of terror. Petrified.

He laughed. "Someday you will." He promised and put on his helmet. He looked once more and shook his head, probably grinning. "Bye." He muttered.

"Bye." My voice got lower and he whisked away from my vision.

"Anita?" Ed called as he lowered the glass and took support of the car. "Anita?" he called me in concern.

"Yeah. I am fine." I swallowed hard. I opened the door and climbed inside. "Drive." I muttered, without any emotion.

"Are you,"

"Just drive." I was adamant. He frowned at me from the mirror and then started the engine.

"So you okay now, right?" Karan's voice sounded more desperate than me.

I smiled softly at the phone. "Yeah." I thought for a moment. "I mean, I think. I wished you were here. I feel so," I exhaled. "Alone." I guess that was what I was.

"No, you are not."

"But I am. Hard to believe, I know, but I am."

He didn't say anything.

"Dad called." I whispered. I wasn't really sure I wanted to tell him but I figured what's more devastating going to happen in my life.

He must have been thinking all the while in this silence. Wondering what to say that won't make me snap at him.

"And, um, how,"

"I snapped at him. And told him to not call me again."

He sighed.

"Anne, you can't just hold your grudge forever." He said in a way as if he was talking to a little girl.

"Actually I can. And this is not me, holding a grudge. He deserves everything that's happening to him now." I wanted to make my statement.

It was easy for him to say.

I longed so many times that I wouldn't feel this way. That I wouldn't feel this hatred, this anger. Because he was my father too. I loved him. But I couldn't. I still respected him. But what he did changed everything. It changed me. He destroyed everything. One mistake. That's all it took to destroy my whole world.

"Like you do." I whispered.

"Yes. And you can too."

Karan always was the most different. Fro anyone I know. He had what people dream to have. Forgiveness. Kindness. Everything that would make him someone great, probably.

"You can, trust me." he ensured me.

How could I?

I just didn't know how. I never did. Its not within my power to forgive anyone.

"Did you forgive your wife too?" I whispered. My whole brain telling me to demand him to these questions. He should know what it feels like to have your trust being shoved into the gutter. He felt it. He knew the consequences.

Then why would he even ask of me to forgive someone when he couldn't even forgive his wife.

"What?" he snapped in shock.

"Shit." I whispered away from the phone.

"Karan, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

He didn't say anything for a while. And I regretted that I even asked it in the first place. _Oh, he must be so pissed right now._

"You there?" I prayed that he doesn't snap at me.

"You know, I get it now. You wanted to prove your point. Well, guess what? You did." He muttered, cold.

"No, Bro, don't. I just, I am sorry. I," I breathed. "I didn't want to hurt, um, or anything." I shook my head.

"No. You are right. I could forgive her for leaving me. But I couldn't for leaving our daughter." He murmured as if he was distracted. Distracted by the memories.

The pain.

The grief.

The denial.

"I wish you didn't say that."

I opened my mouth to say something but all that came out was this throbbing anguish that I suddenly starting to feel.

I covered my mouth with one hand as tears started to fall.

"I didn't mean it. You know me. Please," I didn't know how to make him forget this. I wasn't thinking clearly. I never intentionally wanted to hurt him.

My mind started to ache as I struggled to find a way to make this, this thing go away. I couldn't afford to lose my brother too.

"I have to go now. Bye." He said after a beat, his voice completely changed.

"But," he hung up.

I threw the phone at the bed, fuming with anger. I covered my face with both of my hands as I cried. Grief escaped at last. From all that happened.

For all the things that happened to me. And all the things that happened because of me.

"Oh, god. Oh, what did I do!" I cried loudly. I punched at the wall. My face burning intensely.

Tears ran down my face. My whole being vulnerable. Weak. "Oh, no. No!"

I never felt like this before. Well, maybe once. Six years ago. I was starting to feel like that again. That whole pain was coming back to me. I thought I would never feel like this again.

_Why was I feeling like this?_ I asked myself.

My phone started to rang. I looked at the screen. It was Lindsay. I cut off the call.

I couldn't talk to her. Not like this. Because of the fact that I was hurting everyone I cared about. This wasn't me.

I fell on the bed, lying on my back, my chest bursting with pain. I gaze straight at the ceiling, oblivious to anything happening. My cell phone constantly buzzing. Someone was calling me. Maybe it was Lindsay.

I didn't even care.

When I turned my face to left the curtains were blowing because of the wind.

"I need to get out of here." I finally realized and sit astride.

Something was going on in my mind. But I just didn't know what it was. All I needed right now was to get out of here. I jumped up and suddenly I was feeling such a rush. I had gained this unknown strength out of no where.

I glanced at the car keys on the side table.

_I know what to do_, I thought.

I took the keys and hastily got out of the door and then outside. Starting the engine, I drove out. I just drove. All the while trying to stop this hideous crying.

I lowered the window and let the wind enter. It helped with the crying.

I put on the radio and Sarah McLachlan was singing _Angels_. Her voice was heartbreaking. But healing. Somehow it was.

I ran my hands as the thought of all those and memories comes back rushing. The good ones were there too.

I stepped on the break and the car came to a sudden halt. When I glanced up, I was at the Brooklyn Bridge.

I climbed out and

I guess that was the hard part. Knowing that I had it all but I didn't. It's so hard to even imagine that I had this great family and now I didn't. No one.

Not even my brother.

I pushed them away. All of them.

I closed my eyes.

"Didn't think you would be back here again." I jumped in surprise. Lindsay had her arms crossed, shivering because of this cold wind. "Please, don't tell me that you thinking to spend the night here. Because I am already cold." She smiled. Her face again the same caring and loving one. The one I missed.

I smiled as I cried too.

Her arms holding out. I shook my head and hugged her, as the only thing gave me hope. She wrapped her hands around me and for the first time, in what seemed ages, I actually felt as if my best friend was back.

I released her. "How did you know I was here?"

She shrugged.

"You started to come here after your aunt's death, remember? You couldn't deal with it at home. So you came here."

My face fell at the thought of that.

"Sorry for reminding you again. Stupid me!" she chided herself.

I giggled.

"Oh, I missed your dumbass behavior." I teased her. She punched my arm softly.

I laughed with all my heart.

"No, you didn't. You just waited to see what I am going to do next." Lindsay wrapped her one arm around my neck and we started walking towards the car.

"I broke my brother's hurt." I pursed my lips and looked puzzled at Lindsay.

She shrugged.

"Its okay. He loves you. He'll forgive you."

I laughed. "I missed your hard and fast advice."

"Yeah, baby." She said proudly.

"Cree-py." I said with a shrill voice.


	14. Chapter 13

Kyle

**Chapter 13 **

I closed my eyes in exasperation, my hand skimming my temple. We were all sitting at the dinning room. This same old discussion just keeps on coming. I was so sick of this.

"Mom, you seriously called us for this. I couldn't believe it." I shook my head in disapproval.

"Kyle, listen to me. Your father is right. Someone needs to take over for him." she paused; holding her hand out she squeezed mine. Jennifer was sitting still. Her face impassive.

"Just take care of it till your dad gets better. Please." She begged.

I scratched my face. "Mom, don't beg. Please. It doesn't suit you." Where was the determined and strong woman I knew? Mom never seemed so….weak. It was so unlike her.

I sighed.

I knew it had to come to this someday. Just never thought that it would so early.

"Where is he? Dad?" I asked.

"He is at the office. Where do you think?" Jennifer said in a distressed mode. Her actions totally dull and hollow.

What was up with her now?

I breathed in, feeling the air around me getting denser.

I was a psychologist. And I couldn't even fix my damn family problems. How shittier could this get?

I pushed the chair backward, getting up from my chair. "Fine. I'll do it. But," I needed to make my proposition. This shouldn't get out of control. I couldn't even bare anymore to go to this boring business trips anymore. "I need to make this clear that I won't do it again. Never. After dad gets better I am never going back to it."

Mom's eyes widened. She wanted to say more. But she knew that anymore argument and I won't take care of dad's business.

"And I won't host this Sunday's party." I insisted. I was getting bored of this life. "Anyways, I couldn't find any good in this sort of things." I whispered to myself. Jenny heard it and frowned at my expression.

"See you later." I muttered hastily while shrugging on my jacket.

This had to be the worst conversation ever. I shook my head and walked out of the door.

"I don't know, man. She just seems so cool. I like her." David couldn't seem to just shut up about Anita. Frankly he was making me outraged. What was with him and his attraction to her?

I gnashed my teeth, my head lowered, so that he doesn't see me.

"Hey, you listening?"

_I wish I wasn't._

"Uh, yeah. I am."

We were at the nearby coffee house from my chamber. It was our 'hang out' place. It had been his college.

David nodded. "Good. Now call her."

I frowned. And a little shocked. Hell, I thought he liked her and would probably advice me to stop talking or seeing her. And now its just the opposite. What was he up to?

"I don't know, man. She seems pretty busy in her life." I paused. I knew for sure that she might even forget me. Her life seemed so overwhelming. Work and work. She always had to work.

Even more than me, I guess.

David gave me a 'nonsense' look.

"And how do you know?" he demanded.

I shrugged, remembering about yesterday when I was passing by her office building. Okay, fine, I wanted to see her. But I decided not to. I just didn't feel like to go in. for no reasons apparently.

"I just know." I gave him my most impassive look.

David looked at me shrewdly, frowning all the while. _Damn it!_ He would guess it for sure. His mind knows each and every trick in dating. And he probably would figure out my plan for Anita.

Shit!

"You went to see her, didn't you?" And just like that. _Hate him!_

I heaved a deep sigh. "Yes. I did. And I decided to turn back. She was busy. Didn't want to interrupt her work. That would be fairly rude." I said nonchalantly.

David raised his eyebrows, smirking.

"Don't." I muttered seriously. I didn't need to hear another lecture. It was kind of getting boring.

He raised his hands up in the air in defense, acting as if he so much didn't want to lecture me now. Which he did.

I rolled my eyes.

"I won't say anything as to what you should do and what not. But," _Here we go._

I relaxed myself on the chair as this would probably take some time. I sipped my coffee with utter amusement. My face couldn't seem to just stop smiling.

"I think you should go and talk to her. Since you are more of a wise type. Not like me at all." He bragged off. _Oh, this just never gets old._

I nodded, grinning. "Of course, I understand." I put on a considerate face.

"For me, I would have let her come to me, you know, twisting her. Letting her think I wasn't interested. And the Bam!" I flinched mildly at his actions. "She comes to you and you swipe her right across her feet."

I blinked twice for moment completely lost. Only David would know how to make a joke out of relationships.

"Does it really work?"

He tilted his head from left to right for some time. "I think. I don't know. I only have one night stands. So I didn't get a chance to swoop someone of their feet." He winked at me.

_Yes, of course. How could I forget?_

I shook my head, lost in thought. "I don't know, man. She is different. Really." I seemed completely bemused when it's about her. I just couldn't seem to fathom for some reason, the unexplained desire and the appeal she brings with her and its just makes me go crazy.

"Is she different than Alicia?" out of nowhere David bombed this question. Seriously he didn't seem to understand the time and place to bring up the appropriate topic.

I bridled. My senses all saying to just dodge this question. but I knew David and he wont give up that easily.

I sighed.

"Yes. She is different than Alicia." I paused, reclaiming my calm, composed self. "All I know Alicia only cared about her self. No one else."

It was so true.

_That girl didn't even seem to care about anything that exists in this world._

I shook my head. "Anyways, I have to get back. Another patient is coming to see me." I got up, opening the collar button of my shirt.

"Yeah, dude. See you later?"

"Yes." I took my suit on my hand and saunter out of the threshold.

I needed a distraction. Crap. I just couldn't seem to get her out of my head. What was wrong with me? I had my hands on my head.

_Get a grip, Kyle!_

Its already Thursday and it seemed so long since I saw her. Last Sunday afternoon. The last time I saw her. And since then, she never seems to escape from my mind.

I fell flat straight on the couch and switched on the TV. Hoping to get some distraction. Its all already past eleven at night and I have nothing to do. David suggested to attend this stupid party that his someone something threw and wanted me to come.

I flat out rejected. I wasn't in the mood for yet another dumbass party. Frankly it was such a waste of time. _Unless you have someone to attend it with._

I dismissed my ludicrous thoughts. This was not happening to me, I prayed.

I thought so many times to just call her or just give her a surprise visit. But I just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that she wouldn't be happy to see me. Its just ingrained in me, this ideas, that she might not be interested in me.

And another thing too.

I ran my hands in my hair and switched off the TV.

I knew the consequences of dating someone who is in, I don't know, related to fashion, who lives her life dedicating it to fashion.

Not to mention the betrayal of Alicia. Oh, how I wanted to strangle her with my bare hands when she told me that she was breaking up with me.

And also I had a big ego at that time so the reaction was naturally. But I guess, Her ego was more powerful than mine.

And yet again, I yearned for a girl who was the owner of a fashion company.

Was history repeating itself? Was this another trick to make me fall in love with her and the next thing happens was she rejects me?

Because I wasn't sure anymore whether I could actually stay away from me. I mean, I wasn't in love or something but I also couldn't seem to for get her too.

I was still lying on the couch. Reaching out, I took my phone and decided to call her. It went to voicemail.

_Of course, it did._ I shook my head.

But I decided to leave her with a voicemail.

"Hey, its Kyle. I just called to see how are you. But," My voice seemed to lose its power. "Apparently you are busy." As usual. "Let me know if you want to meet up. Bye."

Great. _So much for my yearning!_ I thought in disapproval.


End file.
